christmas eve

it is tradition on Christmas for both sides of my family to read Luke 2, beginning with the phrase "in those days caesar augustus" and ending with the shepherds praising God. i decided when i was back at EMU to read from the beginning of Luke through the traditional Christmas story to see what I was missing. and ... i stumbled across [surprise!] Luke 1 and "Mary's Song" otherwise known as the Magnificat.

Mary's Song (Luke 1:46-55)
46And Mary said:
"My soul glorifies the Lord
47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
50His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
51He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
54He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
55to Abraham and his descendants forever,
even as he said to our fathers."

The more of the New Testament that I actually read [not just act as though i had read it, but really read for myself], the more I begin to believe in the idea of God's kingdom present now. A present, tangible, physical, joyful, abundant kingdom life. By this I mean - I believe that God desires justice now for the poor. I believe that kingdom living is good news for the poor; the poor in spirit, the poor in physical wealth. I believe that the Christmas story should start in Luke 1. I believe that Jesus came to reconcile man to God and that this restored relationship is more than just going to heaven when I die. It involves me fearing the name of the Lord and Him showing mercy across generations. It involves God scattering the proud and sending those who are rich away from his table. It involves this crazy sort of leveling of humanity, that those who are humble are lifted up and those who are hungry are given food - and the rulers are cast down from their thrones.

The more of the New Testament that I actually read, the more I fear the Lord. The more I fear the power of the gospel. The more I understand how Christianity can be seen as dangerous. It is ... it's a crazy powerful book that can make a girl realize she wants to be poor and weak and humble.

Wendell Berry writes, "Take all you have and be poor." I think of all the pretty words I use to describe the miracle of Christ coming down to earth; incarnation, relationship, virgin birth. This particular Christmas eve, at this moment of my life, those words are too big. This Christmas I am thinking of the birth of the Messiah in a different, smaller, simpler way. I am thinking of God taking all that He had and entering the poverty of humanity. And I am praying that somehow, despite the incredible weakness of my heart, I will be able to follow my Savior and take all I have and be poor.

home

i had the oddest realization tonight -

going to the early church in the rain; seeing people i knew at the early church; thinking about how i saw a guy from church (and my ethics class; he's auditing it) at the Little Grill and he recognized me and waved;

reading the Bible and finding out that hey, i really like it;

decorating gingerbread houses and dominating 2nd east; losing to 2nd east; telling Lucas that he's a liar;

cleaning my room and thinking about vacuuming;

laying in wet cold grass east of Thomas plaza and watcing shooting stars; having crazy funny conversations laying in wet cold grass east of Thomas plaza;

hearing Lucas say 'good night, friends;"

thinking about going home


---it makes me wonder what home is, exactly. Meg says: my life does not have much locational permanence. is home a place? for me, the answer is yes. it is my bedroom and the fireplace and the perch above the dishwasher.

but my realization is that here - Harrisonburg, EMU, 'the Shenandoah Valley' - here is home too. i have my nest up in my bunk bed, my bookshelves, my fishbowl. my african violets and paper cranes. and secondly...home is more than a place. i have really, really good friends here. ones i'm really close to and ones i'm just beginning to know, but i'm not really exaggerating when i say that it is beginning to feel like home.

its a little weird. but it is a better weird to have many homes than to have none.

To be covered in the Word

i have this list - its a list of things i can do to be mad for life. one of them is this:

you could write a bible verse on your arm everyday. be covered in the word. and let it only wash away when you shower.

i did this today. it was an interesting experiment. i've decided that being covered in the word is very comforting. you should try it.

Thia and Molly also wrote on me. Thia wrote 2nd Corinthians 4:7-12. [see below]

2nd Corinthians 4:7-12
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.



It made me think of my one Honors class; we had a guest lecturer and talked about the idea of an inner vs. an outer self. One of the most interesting things I've heard this semester came out of that class. We hate our bodies; it is easier to lie than it is to keep from blushing. Our bodies betray us. So often, we long to focus on the spiritual because the physical lets us down. Our bodies, the world, the technology...it all breaks and malfunctions and reminds us that we are vulnerable. But read the verses again: We always carry around IN OUR BODY the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed IN OUR BODY. I think I am beginning to understand that Jesus, though of course spiritual, loved the physical world. He healed through touch. He fed multitudes with real bread. The word was made flesh. I think he would enjoy walking through Park Woods when there is snow on the ground.

....

It was good and beautiful and healthy and so, so comforting to write with my hands physical words on my skin. To be able to see with my eyes the Word, running black and blue up my arm. To imagine words imprinted on my heart.

Go on, do it. Cover yourself in the Word. I dare you.

and ...

we talked about voluntary service today in ethics and i decided my parents are even cooler than i realized. :P

very strange

it is odd to think that in a bit more than a week i will be able to say i am a second semester freshman. yikes. i can now count my assignments on the fingers of one hand!!! and it is finally sunny after a week of snow and rain. :)i am very happy today...

week before finals

blech. my honor's paper is just not flowing the way i want it too. blech.

last night we hoped for freezing rain and cancelled classes today but it was not to be... ;)

so. once i finish this paper i am basically done for the semester. :) Yay!


on another note, my baby african violets are growing! i have proven that i have a green thumb!

and i have...4 christmas party invitations. hah.

and there is like 9 days left til i get to come home for break.

i guess i can handle one more paper...

Stress reliever

Last night i made a collage as a stress reliever...my workload is really picking up now! (Neil... i can sense you laughing from here). it's snowing today. :) snowball fights are also a good way to relieve stress.

here are some pictures of my collage and of the snow. my inspiration for the artwork was "How the Early Church and OCP make me feel."

bread making saves my life. :)

how now shall i live?

a group of us read the bible aloud in the evenings...we go down to the guy's floor about 9:00 and read a few chapters at a time. i don't go all the time but i did tonight. we read Mark 14-16 and then talked and now i am in the midst of crisis.

i need community but people are leaving for various reasons and i am so afraid i will never know the people i want to know and they will never know me. life is confusing and hard and i want some guidance from people who are living in the same circumstances as me but are further along on their journey. blech. life just is making me say blech today. how can i live Christianity the way it should be lived? when it is so hard to just think charitably towards my neighbor how can i live justly in a global sense? how can i be holy? what does it mean to live simply? and does any of this really matter? it feels somedays like everything is just too big and my little life doesn't matter at all. i mean if half the world's population is living on less than $2 a day, how much is me hopefully becoming a physician actually going to matter?

i wish you all (my PA readers) could have been in the room tonight when we were talking. because Taylor and Rebekah and Lucas and Meg just make faith real. reading Mark and asking about Judas's life and wondering if we should give our clothes to poor people. one time when i was downstairs we had a conversation about taking vows of celibacy. we talk about intentional poverty. intentional community. about what it means to love until it costs something.

lucas said tonight that Ron (a pastor at the early church) says that the Kingdom is right side up and the world is upside down. i feel like i am in a bit of a free fall, my head pointing in all directions, vacillating from day to day. i want to live well. i want to be mad for life, to love God, to love the world, to take all i have and be poor. but it is SO HARD. ah.

i mean. this is sort of how it feels:

"The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. ... Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God. Yes, it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament." - Soren Kierkegaard



in any case, finals are coming up in like 2 weeks...this is so not the time to be having an existential crisis...

i baked bread tonight. sometimes it helps to drop all the heavy thoughts and just make something with your hands. i kneaded and braided the dough and i still feel like my head will EXPLODE but the explosion is not quite as imminent.

happy musing, everyone! :) see you at Christmas.

ts eliot poems

i've been told my blog post with the pictures is confusing and weird...sometimes i forget that not everyone is a huge fan of "the waste land." sorry about that...

so there is this poem by ts eliot called "the waste land" and it is really long and super confusing and full of famous lines like april is the cruellest month and that corpse you planted last year in the garden/has it begun to sprout? and I will show you fear in a handfull of dust. My favorite lines are

My friend, blood shaking my heart
The awful daring of a moment's surrender
Which an age of prudence can never retract
By this, and this only, have we existed
Which is not to be found in our obituaries...

---
the other quote from that post is by Samuel Beckett, who wrote Waiting for Godot, a play in the absurdist style that is basically about the hopelessness and futility of life. Thia and I have been obsessed recently by this idea of being MAD FOR LIFE and I thought the quote about being born mad and *REMAINING* so was an excellent fit. i forgot that not everyone - anyone, really - is privy to our late night discussions about how we can live out our passion for life.

so. pretty much that post was about a late night walk in the mist that Meg, Clare, Thia and I took. we went and walked and soaked in beauty and lived in the present like ... good zen buddhists? like good Christians, really. but this is a discussion for a different day. hah.

we walked and talked and thought about how life is beautiful and vibrant and a gift and meditated on how we want to REMAIN MAD. and i thought about how the awful daring of a moment's surrender (to God, to life, to glorious aliveness) is the thing that matters and it is not what is going to show up in my obituary. when i die, someone will write of me my college and career and accomplishments, and they will in doing this miss the most important parts of my life. most important is those beautiful moments when i realize how lovely life is, how sharply sweet is the smell of fall, how piercingly wonderful is an hour with a friend, how deep joy can run if i just pay attention to what is going on around me.

most people go through life half asleep, yeah? i'm not going to be one of them.

Thanksgiving

I'm going to be home tomorrow!!!!!! AH!

Tonight I got to go to the most interesting coffeehouse...it was about US involvement in Iraq. And I don't even know how to explain it. Except to say that "God made all people. And the best way to honor him is by paying attention." I think it is quite possible that I might end up taking Elementary Arabic with Louis Yako this spring...

haha - you know it is worth it when I consider messing up my perfectly arranged schedule. :P



then I went to the Thanksgiving hymn sing. beautiful. that reminds me. we sang a hymn at the early church on sunday that i really liked and i don't remember its name. i think it was 610? in the blue Menno hymnal they all use down here. 600-something. eh, i'll look it up on the 6th i guess.

I CAN'T WAIT TO BE HOME. :) :) :)

by this, and this only, have we existed/which is not to be found in our obituaries

"We are all born mad. Some remain so." -Samuel Beckett

my life is beautiful

i had the best weekend. i feel sometimes like it cannot be possible for my life to be any better than it is right now. although i guess when i finally get to OChem and Developmental Biology and Ways of Knowing and [oh, i hope] the Dante class...

anyway, i just have a beautiful life.

i wish all my PA readers could come visit the early church with me. i love it SOOO much. i feel this huge sense of love and belonging and grace when i am there. yesterday i was at church and - i love how they pray. at the end of a service they have "the prayers of the faithful," where it is open for anyone to pray out loud, and when they are finished, they say "We pray to the Lord," upon which everyone else says [loudly] "Lord, hear our prayer!" Ron says - pray with excitement! You know what an exclamation point means! This is how God asks us to pray!

after church was over, we went to a house affiliated with Our Community Place to eat lunch. a man who is somehow involved with OCP [I think...i'm a little sketchy on details here] got an award from MMA. there are a few houses near each other and they have garden space around them. apparently people can come and help work the gardens and in return get some of the produce. and the one house has rooms inside for people to stay in and a little chapel...

there were so many people there. people from the early church and people from other churches who knew the guy getting an award. it was beautiful because it was so - odd. like - there was a girl there with bright pink hair. there were beautiful little kids. there were older people. i was listening to conversations and i heard these two old-ish men talking about the misconceptions they have held in their heads and hearts about the homeless. oh, it was so beautiful.

there was so much food! all of a sudden i felt like concepts from my confusing Ethics class sprang to life before my eyes. by this i mean: we all had enough. there was abundance brought out of scarcity. and the man who was sort of in charge of setting out the meal was speaking of the gardens and "putting them to sleep for the winter" - this reminded me of all of the times we have spoken of land care in Ethics.

so we gathered, sang a Jewish folk song that someone had learned in one of the New England states at a Passover Seder, and ate. Thia, Rebekah, and I ended up sitting with an older couple. You will NEVER guess who they were.

Do the names Joe and Hannah Lapp mean anything to any of you?
let me explain: FORMER PRESIDENT OF EMU. we had an entire conversation without finding out who they were. and then, casual as anything, he says, "Do any of you have a class in the President's room? You might see me there." And i was just like NO WAY. Ah! because i DO have a class in the President's room and I know that the portrait of every EMU president is hanging there. so i sort of did a very quiet freak-out and then i told him that i have a mug with his name on it. rinn gave me that mug; i told them that, too, and they remembered her! It was so awesome.

In other news: I'm sick. blech.
And sometime I need to write about "Morally Responsible Investment in Palestine" and Honors from last week: chirality

I can't wait for Thanksgiving.

shakespeare

thia and i got invited to go to a shakespeare play by lucas. this is probably going to be the best thing ever! at least of this week. :) what a beautiful life.


............edit.....

AH THIS WAS THE BEST THING EVER! AT LEAST THIS WEEK! :) deserving of CAPS LOCK awesome.
you will not believe this. ok. so it was me, thia, meg, lucas, nathan, and stewart [which by the way...these five people are some of the most interesting i've ever met in my life. ok]. we got there a little later than we planned and asked if we could get student price tickets and the person behind the counter was like, "Sorry, standing room only. you'll have to wait and see if there are any seats left." so we hung out for a few minutes and then lucas went up to ask again. And a different guy was there, and he said - well, how many are there? six? um...i think there are six seats left on stage...

I got to sit ON STAGE. and interact with the actors. and we had $11 tickets. and the theater was gorgeous -

ah. i can't even explain how awesome it was.

we were reading on the way there and back; we ran through the parking garage; i gave one of the villains a high five during the performance; thia told me that my new favorite song A beautiful world is the soundtrack to my life...

its so true. this is a beautiful life/and this is a beautiful world.

when it is rainy and cold outside

...the most unappealing thing in the world is to bike to your workstudy. ugh.

but thia made me some peppermint hot chocolate...i have the best roommate ever.

New Favorite Song

My new favorite song is [gasp, NOT by Jars of Clay] a song by my mom's cousin Keith. Its called A Beautiful World.

After the 8 or 9th time listening to it tonight I sort of lost track...
If you have a copy of his cd Permanance and Motion you should definitely listen to this song right now. For the rest of my readers I have carefully listened to the song many times and transcribed it below. :) All mistakes are mine. All awesome lyrics belong to Keith Hershberger. [particularly awesome is: Don't get me wrong, I'm not falling for you - I'm just falling in love with my life.] :) :) :)

Driving into Pittsburgh
From the country at night
Watching the stars disappear into city lights
And I'm sitting shotgun
Priscilla's at the wheel
Tell me now what you're thinking
Tell me now can you feel

Can you feel...
Feel the magic in moments like this
The glow of a good conversation,
The pause before a kiss
The hour after sunset when the sun still lights up the sky
A car and a road and a full tank of gas
And a good friend by your side

Its a beautiful moment
I'm watching you drive
Don't get me wrong, I'm not falling for you -
I'm just falling in love with my life.
And you're here in it
And you're a beautiful girl
And this a beautiful life
And this is a beautiful world

And I know there's magic in moments like this
The taste of a good cup of coffee
The pause before a kiss
The hour after sunset when the sun still lights up the sky
A car and a road and a full tank of gas
And a good friend by your side

[guitar...]

I feel the magic in moments like this
The glow of a good conversation
The pause before a kiss
The hour after sunset when the sun still lights up the sky
A car and a road and full tank of gas
And a good friend by your side

Driving into Pittsburgh
North on 79
Watching stars and passing cars
And falling in love with my life
It's a beautiful feeling
And you're a beautiful girl
And this a beautiful life
And this is a beautiful world.

Cultural mishaps

i am discovering more and more weird cultural things about PA...
yesterday i said something about 'macadam' and everyone was like "what? what word is that? Is that a word?' i explained that it is pavement and everyone laughed at me!

today at lunch i brought it up again. so far, out of about 10 people that I asked, only two had heard that word before. one guy actually said, "macadam? is that latin or something?"

being very confused, i naturally turned to wikipedia. here is what I found:

Tar-bound macadam
With the advent of motor vehicles, dust became a serious problem on macadam roads. The area of low air pressure created under fast-moving vehicles sucks dust from the road surface, creating dust clouds and a gradual raveling (pulling apart) of the road material. This problem was later rectified by spraying tar on the surface to create tar-bound macadam, more commonly known as tarmac or blacktop. While macadam roads have now been resurfaced in most developed countries, some are preserved along stretches of roads such as the United States' National Road. Due to uses of macadam as a road surface in former times, roads in some parts of the United States (as parts of Pennsylvania) are often referred to as macadam, even though they might be made of asphalt or concrete. Similarly, the term "tarmac" is sometimes colloquially misapplied to asphalt roads or aircraft runways.


I found my answer! It is amazing where an inquiring mind will take you. And I'm glad to know that macadam is a Pennsylvania thing...I'm not going crazy. :)

Life is good :)

i was at the Early Church today. i love that place. :) :) :)

yesterday night i slept in a blanket fort in Kathryn and Mariah's room.
and my violet is still blooming!
and life is just ... good. sometimes hard, but very good.

Solitude is difficult

I decided that one line of this poem from my last post was simply not enough. Here you are:

Finally will it not be enough,
after much living, after
much love, after much dying
of those you have loved,
to sit on the porch near sundown
with your eyes simply open,
watching the wind shape the clouds
into the shapes of clouds?

Even then you will remember
the history of love, shaped
in the shapes of flesh, everchanging
as the clouds that pass, the blessed
yearning of body for body,
unending light.
You will remember, watching
the clouds, the future of love.


I also decided that one Rilke quote was not enough. So...

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.

It is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it.


_________

Yesterday I practiced solitude; I got lunch at the Den and took it outside. The best way I have found to make myself remember my smallness is to watch the clouds over the Blue Ridge mountains. It is good, I think, to be silent and still every now and then. It gives me the chance to hear myself.

Writing

From now on I think I will always have to say that the best compliment I've ever recieved is my brother saying I'm a super penny.

But I was just thinking about AP English and the 2nd or 3rd writing we did when we were all failing [quite epically I might add] and Mr. Marsh assigned us to read Living Like Weasels.

I wrote.
I worked *really* hard. I planned and edited and rewrote and I really put some effort in. Looking back I think I can safely say that the paper I ended up with was the best writing I had done in my life.

Mr. Marsh used my paper as an example.

!!! Do you know how exciting that was? That meant a LOT coming from him. And although my lil bro has usurped the #1 compliment giver position as of last week, it is still true to say that one of the very best compliments I have ever received came out of that class. He was reading my paper to the class and stumbled across this line - "Living Like Weasels," an essay by Annie Dillard, is also a lesson in perspective; life is looked at from the shallowness of suburbia and the depth of lung and brain and bone.

I remember very clearly that he said this sentance is grammatically incorrect. but - ah, I can't even touch it!

I don't know why, exactly, that I remembered this so clearly right now at 12:32 AM when clearly I should be sleeping because obviously there is way too much to do on weekends here.

I guess it is because the grammar on this blog is sometimes - not awesome. And often I use words that I know Mr. Marsh would scribble out with a red pen. I use linking verbs. I write in conflicting tenses; I worship passive voice. I use the word THING.

Sometimes late at night I get on my blog to check if anyone has commented about anything I wrote. Tonight I wondered - what would Mr. Marsh think? What would he say about these words? What would he say about the depth *behind* the words?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When I read the quote that I have titled my blog after by Rainer Maria Rilke, I feel like my entire soul is nodding. The sense of ... agreement? or rightness? is so strong that I can feel it. His words bring out in me a visceral response.

I think my goal is to move you. To force you to engage with me. To cause you to change.

I am not a great writer yet. Perhaps I never will be. Reading Wendell Berry on a regular basis is a surefire way to make you realize how little control you have over your own language.

In any case - look beyond the words. Rilke's quote has a sentance that begins with "And." It is still powerful.

Find my purpose - life is large. It is beautiful and bold. It is gift and inheritance and we are living NOW. Take this moment and Be. Oh, just be.



To end this post, let me write for you the line of a Sabbath Poem that I have memorized:

You will remember, watching the clouds, the future of love.

My cup is full-

The wonder is...that there is beauty at all, grace gratuitous, pennies found...

This, then, is the extravagant landscape of the world, given, given with pizzazz, given in good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over.

------------

Those sentances are from Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, the book I got from Gift and Thrift for $0.95.
I've developed another theory of wealth. It is not new, but it has new pertinence for me right now.

This is my wealth:
A really good book. Inviting friends to my dorm room. Listening to Jon play guitar. My african violet. Learning how to see. Learning how to be. Laughing. Talking to Meg on a Thursday afternoon. Listening to the Hershbergers singing on the cd Edna burned for me. Folding paper cranes. Writing in my journal. Playing Catch Phrase. Learning new words: Theophany! Teleological! Ex nihilo! Eschatology! Planning pancake breakfasts with my roommate. Sleeping in late on Wednesday mornings. Finding out that life is a gift.

This is my wealth:
Knowing that my life is a gift. Given, given with pizzazz, given in good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over.

For really:
Can I ask for anything more than this?

Turn your face to the sun.

Recently I have been musing on the fact that I am wealthy. It is interesting to think that I have had more opportunity, more education, more material things, more food, more house, more everything than about ... 80, 90% of the world.
We (my hall) went hiking on Sunday and we drove for about half an hour through the country around Harrisonburg. People on the whole here are poor, I thought. Tiny houses like trailors and junk in the yard; stereotypes sprang up in my mind like mushrooms.

We drove past one development of new houses.

New, big houses. And on all sides of the new development were little tiny trailor-houses.

What a clear demarcation of class. What a statement of how we value people. What a cut to my conscience as I keep continually stumbling across the parable of the Rich Young Ruler.

You know what really stung my heart? I have been talking recently of possibly practicing medicine in a rural area. Of serving people like those I drove past in Sarah's car.

Am I able to live in a tiny house, a house the size of a trailor? Am I ok with that? And if I am not, what barriers will that build between me and the people whom I want to serve?

So I've been thinking about equality and suffering and pain...
Let me share with you the chorus of The Cure for Pain by Jon Foreman.

Heaven knows,
Heaven knows
I've tried to find a cure for the pain.
Oh my Lord,
To suffer like you do.
It would be a lie to turn away.

I am mustering up the courage to be a witness to the suffering of the world. I told that to Molly and she sent me this poem:

Beloved,
There are days when nothing seems right. When every shell you pick up on the winding shore is broken. When the silken treasure slips through your fingers too quickly. When comforts are empty. And the world is noise.

On those jagged edged days, when the wind is screaming for a reason only she understands. And you find yourself all alone.

Turn your face to the sun.

There is goodness in the world that even the river of tears cannot erase.

There is love in the world that the numbed armies of fear cannot distroy.

Sometimes that goodness is everywhere apparent. It pours from the heart of every moment. From the light of every smile.

On those soft days, love hides in the eaves to drop like sweet honey on your forehead and sings her lilting lullabies in the arms of the winds.

But on some days, Beloved. On days like today...

We need to look, to see.

So turn your face to the sun.

Even when she is nowhere to be seen.

Go inside yourself. Find a speck, a splinter of beauty to be grateful for. "Yes," the day has worn you. And "Yes" our mistakes have been so many.

But say "Thank you" anyway.

Take account of all that is in your possession.

A mind. A heart. A body.

A life that breathes, even if for just one more day.

Now count the eyes that have smiled
at you on your wild journey,
the hands that have held you tenderly,
the ears that have listened,
the prayers that have been made on your behalf.

And whisper your "Thank you" again.

Count the sky that has watched you grow
with His painted eyes,
The heaving waves that find their echo
in the tides of your breathing,
The little birds that have sung
you their songs,
The stars which have been a lamp
to your path,
and are your
rightful inheritance.

Count unexpected laughter,
Count undeserved grace,
Count Passion and Love making and Dreams yet to be born,
And bow your head and say "Thank you."

Now count the lives who still need your light,

The hungry, the sick, the helpless,
Count the children who will die today
and imagine if with the breath of your body
you could help just
one.

Turn your face to the sun,
And know yourself as a child of the light.

You are the goodness that cannot be extinguished,
The love that burns through the darkest night.

And perhaps,
In turning
You will see what I have seen,

that this day where everything seemed wrong,
was not your curse,

It was your gift,

Your chance...
To find inside yourself a forgotten "Thank you,"

To smile in the face of the grim suppressors,

To stand in the heart of the glowering darkness
and turn your face to the sun.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I find that very comforting. To stand in the heart of the glowering darkness and turn your face to the sun.

I challenge you all to do the same.

public declaration:

i love my brother. time apart truly does make you realize what matters in life...

:)

don't forget...

Pennies due tomorrow! So far I only have (written) responses from Thia and my mom!

ugh.

it doesn't seem to matter if I work really hard with incredible focus or not. the first rule of college life is that you will be up later than you expect, all the time.

I discovered how to say what I wanted to over break but at the time did not have words:

Lucas makes me feel like Christianity is not a children's story.


Do I make any of you stay up late pondering? Because I feel like some other people out there should be undergoing some of the same mental anguish as me. :P

Oh! I forgot!

I originally wanted to post on my blog to just let you all know how happy I am that you are reading what I write! :) That makes me so excited! It gives me motivation to write more.

P.S. Don't forget about your assignment. It is due on Sunday.

THIS is the true definition of "word-vomit."

uhhhh. fall break was not long enough. not at all. :(

being in lancaster made me think of all these things that speak of *home* to me...my room, passing horse-and-buggies, playing take-one, spades, food!, cousins, being snarky with my brother, sitting on the counter by the dishwasher and talking to my dad, being late or almost late to church, Frazz...

today if you asked me how i would define myself, my answer would be "lacking cohesiveness." i have no ability to string my thoughts together in one straight logical line. it's frustrating to be sure; i feel like i have lost control of my brain.

1.) in the bathroom we have these sheets of paper that ask a random question, like "What characteristics do you look for in a guy?" and "What brings you joy?" We rotate them all the time so there is always something new. The last one was "What brings you joy?" and I said grammatically correct science handouts. It's true. I get SO mad when there are too many commas! Or spelling errors! Or not enough commas!

I mean...if you even knew how many times I have gone back and edited this blog after I posted something...

2.) When I got back from fall break I was opening the door from the stairwell onto 3rd East when I heard "Is that Emily Harnish?" As I said "yes!" with my foot kicking the door open (my arms were full of my junk) I heard a (loud) yell and then people (Tessa and Thia) were mobbing me. And everyone was laughing. I finally got disentangled and realized half of my hall plus Jon and Zach were sitting in the hall waiting to welcome the stragglers as they finally arrived at EMU. :) Best welcome of my life.

3.) My African violet is blooming!

4.) Jordan Landis randomly contacted me today to ask how college is going...made me think, because I was like - how can i summarize EMU in a short enough paragraph to put on facebook? I found out he had swine flu, which made me think about people struggling with infectious disease all over the world. If you guys think about it pray for people who don't have access to good health care.

5.) Earlier I put up a draft of a post. I finally feel the need to expand on that.
So...
a.) Meg was talking about how we don't really live like hell is a real place. Meditate on that for a while.
b.) Alice - is awesome! hmm...Meg and Alice were in Thia and my room last week and we were talking about lots of things. One of them was churches in Egypt. Alice says that Coptic and Orthodox churches have a really good grasp on the holiness and glory of God. They don't dumb him down, in her words. And they realize that life isn't about us.
You know what a really interesting thing to do is? Think about how your religion came to be. First Christianity, then Protestantism, then Anabaptism. I have been musing on the theology of the Trinity recently, as well as the concept of hell. And if every word in the Bible is to be taken literally - and if it is not, then how should it be interpreted? In World Religions we have briefly talked about how different religions focus on orthodoxy (right belief) vs. orthopraxy (right action), and I have come to the conclusion that 1.) I'm glad I belong to a faith tradition within Christianity that focuses on servanthood and 2.) I think I need to study church history. I want to know about what was decided at different church councils in the 4th century, etc etc.
Also...I REALLY hope that I get into the cross-cultural to the Middle East next year. :/ Really, really, really...
c.) somewhere I heard God referred to as "the uncreated one." Isn't that a sweet description?
d.) Sometimes the Mennonite world feels too small. There is a certain professor that my friend has who is *scary* and she happens to have a facebook, and TWO of my relatives are her facebook friend! :O
That is so wrong.

AND, in a shout-out to Jess and Chad: Its also weird that you know Peter Dula. And that you call him Pete. My transitions teacher also does that...I guess that is what he went by in school, but it feels very odd seeing as how all of the students on campus call him by his full first name, and when they are referring to him in conversation, they often also use his last. It is sort of like he is a legend and we are all fangirls or something...I can't even count the number of times someone has heard I'm in World Religions and said "Is that a Peter Dula class?"

Anyway.

e.) I'm running out of motivation to finish "word-vomiting" my thoughts...I still have lots to do tonight. And Andrea will be here tomorrow!!!!!!! :D
So this will be my reminder to finish talking about the metaphor in my next post.

~~~~~~

I guess that's all. hah. That makes me think of watching looney tunes with my brother and porkey pig saying "th-th-th-that's all, folks!" ;)

I'm HOME!

Let's take a moment to glory in that fact, folks! AH.

Do you know how much I love this house and the people in it? :) :) :)

So. (Annie Dillard! Yay! Please read Living like Weasels!). I already got to have good conversation with my dad. I told him that I feel like I can word-vomit to him and he helps me clean it up. Which, you know, possibly not the prettiest word picture but probably one of the most complimentary ones I could give. You all know how much I love words; and if there is one thing I love more than just-words it is words-that-obey-me-and-mean-what-I-want.

And now I feel I must clarify a previous post, for my father's wisdom has pointed out that there is both faulty logic and emphasis on wrong words...horror of horrors.

I said, quoting a friend of a friend in a previous post, "We are democrats cause the church sucks so much." In talking about this with my Dad, I said that I think people possibly have values espoused by the Republican party but they think that the Democrats DO things that line up with their values, or something like that. To which my Dad said, "maybe Republicans are trying to teach the value of self-reliance/self-sustenance."

Yeah, I don't really have much to say to this. Cause he also pointed out that Republicans do deeds of compassion but possibly in secret? or something radical like that? Right.

So now I need to clarify this statement because it will be interpreted wrongly if the emphasis is placed on the word Democrat.

My clarification of what I meant to point out by quoting Meg's friend is this:
Please read that statement understanding the mindset of the speaker. Many young people feel disillusioned by church and feel like if church/God/religion is going to be meaningful at ALL, then the people belonging to said church/God/religion need to show compassion. We need to have actions that back up what we say. And I think a lot of people - my experience is young people, but maybe it is all people, i don't know - feel like churches contain lots of people who say really beautiful things but have a faith that if it was a flavor would taste like artificial grape. As in: really fake.

This entry on my blog is to say that I don't think Christians need to be conservative or liberal, Democrat or Republican, wealthy or poor, old or young...I am trying really hard to get past the labels I am so used to sticking on people. What I wanted to get across, and STRONGLY, is that if church is to be vital, it must be full of people who will show compassion at every turn. We need to see the pain of the world.

And - we need to make our faith have the tenor, timbre, taste of the real.


See how wise my daddy is? :)
Oh, there's no place like home.

The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings.

I am despairing of ever learning to think well. Or of knowing how to think; as a philosopher, as a theologian, as a scientist, as a woman - to what should I aspire? Because what and/or who we define ourselves as determines to some extent how we think, right? [Is this right? tell me!]

Occasionally I am able to fool myself into thinking that I am quite knowlegable...I imagine that [for my age, of course] I am well read; I imagine I think logically with a high degree of insight. Then something happens that strips away my pride and reminds me that in a most basic and deep way, I know just about nothing.

Sadly, I am not going to get to take a lot of pondering-intensive classes til my senior year here, but someday I'm going to take Intro to Philosophy. I am. I am.

In the meantime, here is some excellent writing to ponder:

"'You have been given questions to which you cannot be given answers. You will have to live them out - perhaps a little at a time.'
'And how long is that going to take?'
'I don't know. As long as you live, perhaps.'
'That could be a long time.'
'I will tell you a further mystery,' he said. 'It may take longer.'"

— Wendell Berry (Jayber Crow)

An assignment for my faithful readers...

the day that i took those pictures i put on my blog, i posted pictures on my facebook with this discription:

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars."

i don't know where i found that quote but i love it. and so thia and i have been thinking about how we can be mad for life. here is how i was mad for life today: i skipped bio.

super irresponsible, right? i suppose anything i say in defense of this will sound like a spoiled teen justifying her way out of work. but hear me out -

instead of sitting through a class of stuff i learned in high school [i can do the Hardy-Weinburg calcs in my sleep], i took Pilgrim at Tinker Creek to the second floor of the campus center and read while i overlooked the Shenandoah valley. it was gorgeous. my soul feasted on beauty, and in Annie Dillard's words, "I am still spending the power." today was my own small search for the tree with lights in it...today was learning how to see, and in seeing, learning to love.

Read these words and speak your soul alive.
"It is still the first week in January, and I've got great plans. I've been thinking about seeing. There are lots of things to see, unwrapped gifts and free surprises. The world is fairly studded and strewn with pennies cast broadside from a generous hand. But - and this is the point - who gets excited by a mere penny? If you follow one arrow, if you crouch motionless on a bank to watch a tremulous ripple thrill on the water and are rewarded by the sight of a muskrat kit paddling from its den, will you count that sight a chip of copper only, and go on your rueful way? It is dire poverty indeed when a man is so malnourished and fatigued that he won't stoop to pick up a penny. But if you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted in pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days. It is that simple. What you see is what you get."

So, students, here is your assignment for today: find a metaphorical penny and tell me about it. Due date Nov. 1
:) Have fun!

Important News Here!

Ok, here is my long-awaited post on what Honors was like on Thursday.

I was teaching with Erika Babikow, and we had the priveledge of bringing together President Swartzendruber's presentation with the rest of the classes we have had as Honors students. The president spoke about what it is like to be the leader of a university and the types of issues he has had to deal with in the past. [Ironically enough I overslept on Tuesday and was late to class. Most embarressing thing to happen to me since I've been here...]

So we had to decide after his class on Tuesday what we would talk about on Thursday. It was difficult because so much was discussed, but we ended up honing in on his statement that we can choose what we want to become. The idea of choice became central to our class on Thursday.

We had the students read this essay by Annie Dillard: http://www.sheftman.com/ewrt1a/dillard/weasel.html
and asked them these questions:
1. What is your necessity and how are you living in it?
2. Is there a correlation between the president's words of choosing how we live and the last few paragraphs of Living Like Weasels?
3. Meditate on the phrases below and at least one other that shimmers to you and write a sentence in response... A. I would like to live as I should B. We can live any way we want. People take vows of poverty, chastity,and obedience--even of silence--by choice. C. I think it would be well, and proper, and obedient, and pure, to grasp your one necessity and not let it go.
4. What connections do you see between previous classes and Loren's talk?
5. In previous classes we have often heard Judy say that "everyone has strengths, everyone is creative, everyone leads from every chair." Yet we do not always see this lived out in our lives. How do we CHOOSE to live our strengths/be a leader/be creative? How much of our success is genetics or intuitive and how much is personal choice? In what ways do we fail?

We divided up the class into two groups, originally calling them talkers and non-talkers. I was the leader of the talker group. :) The discussion went ok. Not perfect, but good. And it wasn't as awkward as it could have been.
Anyway, after completing our class, Erika and I had to respond to some questions by Judy. She asked us about how we divided up the class and wondered if it was a good idea. I responded by reframing our decision as "Snap decision makers" versus "Processors," and she thought those were better labels. I think that Judy liked the direction that we led the class overall. It was a good experience.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

On Friday night we went and listened to the jazz ensemble in the common grounds. Jon is an amazing guitarist...he made me miss Chris Kefer and James Wolpert. :( And I was surprised by James Souder; he is in my honors class and plays tenor sax - and he is amazing! So in turn I also missed Cheryl and Chris and Abe and ... yeah, I was a bit nostalgic on Friday night.

Today - wait, is it Sunday already? what? ok, I really should sleep now - I went to Gift and Thrift and bought 4 hard cover books for $3.89. That has to be the best use of $3.89 EVER. And I got a copy of Pilgrim at Tinker Creek! I am just on an Annie Dillard kick, I guess. Ha. I also bought two books by Mark Twain and a book by Brock and Bodie Thoene.

This evening I went to a soccer game with Mariah, Kathryn and Jon. It was cold and wet and fun, and I missed my brother. Can't wait for fall break. Hey D - you better be pretty funny over Thanksgiving, I've been talking you up to Thia and Molly! :)

I still want to write about "The Rich Young Rulers." Basically, some really awesome people from Walking Disciples are planning a revolution. Key names to remember: Rebekah, Lucas, Alice, Meg.
I'm not quite sure how to write about this. I sort of stumbled across their discussion by accident. And you sort of have to know their back stories and - oh, I'm not going to be able to explain this at all. Ok. All of these people are involved at OCP and they care about people. A lot. Rebekah suggested that we give half our clothes away, for example...
So we were talking about this book called Rich Christians in a Hungry World (I think...I need to double check about the title) and we started talking about wealth. And people who want to be wealthy. People going to college so they can be wealthy. Alice said that she has talked to people who think she is totally batty for not wanting power or wealth but instead wanting to just BE with people and to hang out with them. Basically to love. Then Lucas started to talk. And I was astounded.

He spoke of the Rich Young Ruler that is written of in the gospels. Meg had been saying that we need to interact with people in the church who are wealthy, and Lucas said that "it is dangerous to legitimize this [lifestyle]...I've been reading the story of the Rich Young Ruler and I have been thinking about our interpretation. We say that it is difficult for a rich man to enter heaven, but could it not also be read as it is difficult for a rich man to give up his wealth? Eye of the needle difficult? It is easier to hold on to our wealth and to pray for grace that it is to live like Jesus said."

This is a paraphrase, for sure, but word for word in these two phrases: "It is dangerous to legitimize this" and "It is easier to pray for grace."

So Alice chimes in with, "We need to love until it costs something."


They want to build a confession booth. More precisely, a reverse confession booth, of the type described in Blue Like Jazz. They want us to confess to each other each week. They want to read the Bible out loud to each other every day. They want to love until it costs something.

What is faith? What is this thing we call Christianity? Who is Jesus? Do I look like him?
I remember one of them saying that they have met more people at EMU who are purposely deciding they will not seek wealth than anywhere else they have been, but they also spoke of people at this campus who do not understand that there are people in Harrisonburg who are homeless.
I wonder where I fit in on that continuum. What would I give up? Have I ever loved anyone til it cost something?

Lucas, with his crazy dreads and ripped sweats and radical ideas, makes me want to live this til it is something real. I'm not ready to give up half my clothes. I'm not even ready to stop gossiping, to tell the truth. My heart is a work in progress. But amazingly, astoundingly, miraculously enough - somewhere between the influences of the theology I'm learning, the challenges of my academics, and the disciples I am meeting, seeds are being planted in fertile ground.



That was a long post, but worthwhile, yes?

Edit:
Oh! I just remembered something! A few weeks ago Thia and I were talking to Meg...long story, interesting ideas, etc etc, and Meg said [quoting a friend of hers] "We're Democrats because the church sucks so much." And two weeks ago during honors Elias said that if we are dividing the body of Christ into various parts based on fuctions as illustrated in the passage in Corinthians, then the modern American church is a giant appendix.

Ouch! Wake up, chuch USA! Now would be the time.

Jazzzzz. my soul feels full.

The sound that my heart makes after an hour and a half of jazz music is something like ahhhhhyessssssss. :)

mmmm. mmmmmmmm. :)

I did it! I did it!

I kept the secret that Thia's sister is coming to visit...now she's here and I can share that I kept this secret for like a MONTH and I didn't tell anyone til yesterday! Ha! I do so have self-discipline. :D And Thia never suspected. :D :D :D


This is to serve as a reminder to tell you all ... y'all?...about the Rich Young Rulers.

Tomorrow - no wait. Today I am teaching Honors. AHHHHH! So scared.

random news

i feel like my blog is running wild...i have way too many posts. i think its writing itself. hah.

i get to come home soon! yay!
tomorrow i am teaching honors with Erika. i'm already feeling the nerves.
I got to watch NCIS today. Didn't have to go on the Bio field trip! It is supposed to snow this weekend... There is a surprise heading thia's way and she doesn't know what it is...
I feel random. :D

you know what else I miss?

Nana's meatloaf.

soul mate

thia and i are quality procrastinators.

today thia was killing time and took a random online personality test...it was one of those weird ones with questions like "put the name of a person next to this color." so she put my name next to white, and it turns out that I am Thia's twin soul. :P

which is funny but also scarily applicable...as we continually talk about how we are one and the same soul.

p.s. molly just came into my room and called me "productiveness sam."

Awesome day

Vicarious Settlers, laughing, Dutch Blitz, videotaping Dutch Blitz, screaming (apparently too loud...), Women of Lockerbie, making paper flowers, sleeping, Suter Science Seminar, laughing, inside jokes, laughing, randomly seeing Nathan and Arlene Hege [I love them :) ], reading Sophie's World, figuring out my spring schedule, finding out Globalization & Justice is crosslisted under Biblical Studies, laughing, shrieking, listening to Jon Foreman and Jars and Glad and oddly enough Keith Hershberger ...

What an awesome day.
I really really love Saturdays.

Difference between men and women

One word. TRANSFORMERS.

My response: I think my attention span just decreased by 30%. At least.
Thia's response: To steal Stewart's words, I would rather be in a coma. I feel my brain cells dying.
Jon's response: This is the greatest thing ever! They were going to blow up the SUN! Dude!


Every time I feel smart, something has to come along to remind me that I don't understand everything. ;)

you know what i miss...

Garrison Keillor.

Question of the Day

Is it ethical to skip an Ethics class in order to help someone who can't speak English very well with their chem homework?

i am in love

with sleeping. oh the pain and utter agony that follows procrastination.

homework monsters

a homework monster came out of no where and bit my head off.

all of a sudden i realized that i have a HUGE amount of things that need to be read! soon! and a paper to write by Friday that apparently needs sources! and a test next week! and I missed chem today and IRONICALLY THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT CHEM COVERED SOMETHING I DON'T REMEMBER FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

ugh. this day sucked.

Inspired by mjb

A friend of mine in college has a blog and she just wrote about a 6 word story by Ernest Hemingway. She tried to describe herself in 6 words. Here are my attempts:

Wants to be "contradiction in terms."
Reads all the time - too much?
Apparently is funny when not trying.
An EMU student through and through...
Loses train of thought when speaking.
Often laughs so hard she cries.

grrrr.

I slept outside on Discipleship Hill last night, in solidarity with refugees around the world. It was pretty sweet...walking up the hill in the dark, dragging blankets and sleeping bags, not knowing exactly where we were going felt like a sort of pilgrimage. When we arrived, we sang the hymn I posted on my blog a few days ago and also a hymn that I learned at convention. It was so beautiful outside...I wanted to keep my glasses on so I could see everything.

I decided that sleeping outside, especially when you are sleeping outside for a specific purpose, is a sort of communion with humanity. I felt very happy.

Then it started to rain. So we left.... It was about 5:15 in the morning, and when I got back to my room I got back in my bunk, thinking about how ridiculous it is that I have like 18 square feet of mattress to lay on that is raised above the floor in an area where there aren't even rats.

But I still managed to fall asleep again, which is the reason I'm annoyed. I didn't sleep well outside; I woke up at least four times in about five hours. So I slept REALLY deeply, waking up part way at 9:00 and then falling asleep again. Guess when I woke up again? Five minutes after my chem class had started.

>:( grrr.

Judy Mullet...

makes me think that I can think creatively. She says everyone can. Be creative, that is.
And she says that artists make people see the world in a new way; everyone can be an artist.

Today in Honors we had a lecture by a professor named Mark Metzler Sawin. He is a history prof who has traveled to Croatia as a Fulbright scholar, teaching school kids there about the history of racial segregation and the eventual Civil Rights movement in America. He used music as his medium, asking - What drives social change? Laws? or something else?
The "something else" that he came up with was pop culture.

So today I had this huge crash course on the history of music in America, beginning with blues in the deep South states of Louisiana and Missippi, and ending with Rock and Roll and HipHop. And as I had black culture on the mind, I thought of this poem:

http://www.poetry-archive.com/j/the_creation.html

...which I remembered because I absolutely adore the ending:

Toiling over a lump of clay
Till He shaped it in His own image;

Then into it He blew the breath of life,
And man became a living soul.
Amen. Amen.

And anyway, I just thought of this poem and then I was excited because I connected Honors and History taught by Mark Sawin to Biology and Creation and to Literature and to Ethics where we are soon talking about LAND and Creation Care and to the idea of rhythm and I think I just had a creative moment! ha. I guess this probably doesn't mean much to anyone else, but right now I just feel like I am shooting my brain backwards in time to before all my excess neural connections were pruned. Like...everything seems like it connects. Even random things like sleeping on the hill in solidarity with refugees makes me think of Ethics and the idea of justice and it reminds me of Jess Sarriot who is running a club to promote divestment of money in Israel try to force just action towards Palestinians. Which reminds me of World Religions and Judaism. Which reminds me of my textbook No God but God - which is explaining the roots, theology, and future of Islam. Which makes me think of A Thousand Splendid Suns [reference my sweet new list of FAVORITE BOOKS to the right!] and literature; makes me think of the importance of poetry!!!! in culture and how nice it is to be surrounded by a whole huge community of people who read. Even boys read. Every time I write that statement I feel like I have found my true home at last... ;)

So anyway. Rejoice with me in the return of my brain to its infant form.

I just remembered...

...Something incredibly awesome! Yesterday when walking disciples was eating together - wait; first I should say, yesterday all the students in Walking Disciples ate supper together! In Maplewood! We made the food! :D Ok. So yesterday when we were eating together, Amanda was talking about the Swine Flu and how this one person was talking about it on the radio and they had the flu and slept for like 3 weeks and all they did was watch TV. And then Stewart said that he would rather be in a coma for 3 weeks than watch TV for 3 weeks. And then he was like, "Well, I guess I would just read."

The conversation just kept moving on, but I was stuck on that for...well, I'm still thinking about that, so...

Anyway. I know people who READ. :) :) :) :) :)

Just in case you guys haven't figured this out yet - I LOVE COLLEGE. I WANT TO BE IN SCHOOL FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Learning to be

Yesterday we played in leaves and climbed trees.

In one sense I did not use my time well yesterday - I spent 2.5 hours at the MCC sale, I visited a farmer's market, I slept the afternoon away, I played in leaves.

I did no homework.

But then I think of words, of poetry, of

I go among trees and sit still.
All my stirring becomes quiet
around me like circles on water.

I think of

The literature of illumination reveals this above all: although [the gift of seeing] comes to those who wait for it, it is always, even to the most practiced and adept, a gift and total surprise.

I think of the miracle of passive voice, the joy of learning to be, the grace of living in the present tense.

I think that yesterday, I lived just as I needed. As Annie Dillard said, I held on for dearer life; I live[d] as I should.

Community - Menno and otherwise

today i volunteered at the Virginia MCC Relief Sale...
lets just say that 6:00 is WAY too early to get up when you only fell asleep at 2:00 that morning. Ha.
But still. It was like a taste of home - essentially Lancaster Menno culture, sans the shoofly pie. Interestingly, I saw my supervisor from VMRC and the lady from admissions who helps run Royals Society.
Then we [Amanda, Meg, and I] stopped by the farmer's market on the way back. I saw one of my professors there! :D And I learned about this really sweet urban farm that is looking for volunteers. I think that Walking Disciples might do stuff there this spring.

Now I'm in my room, torn between taking a nap and going outside to enjoy this day which is absolutely breathtaking.

P.S. I was on facebook and came across this on my news feed:
Jonathan Nyce thinks marriage is a wicked sweet thing to aspire to.

I had a moment of internally shouting with laughter. Man. I love the community here. :) :) :)

Canticle of the Turning

This is my new favorite song...its often heard around campus. :) If you don't know the tune, look for it on youtube. It won't sound as good as it does when there is 4-part harmony, though. Gotta love student lead hymn sings!

My soul cries out with a joyful shout
that the God of my heart is great,
And my spirit sings of the wondrous things
that you bring to the ones who wait.
You fixed your sight on the servant's plight,
and my weakness you did not spurn,
So from east to west shall my name be blest.
Could the world be about to turn?

My heart shall sing of the day you bring,
Let the fires of your justice burn.
Wipe away all the tears, For the dawn draws near,
And the world is about to turn.

Though I am small, my God, my all,
you work great things in me,
And your mercy will last from the depths of the past
to the end of the age to be.
Your very name puts the proud to shame,
and to those who would for you yearn,
You will show your might, put the strong to flight,
for the world is about to turn.

My heart shall sing of the day you bring,
Let the fires of your justice burn.
Wipe away all the tears, For the dawn draws near,
And the world is about to turn.

From the halls of power to the fortress tower,
not a stone will be left on stone.
Let the king beware for your justice tears
ev'ry tyrant from his throne.
The hungry poor shall weep no more,
for the food they can never earn;
These are tables spread,
ev'ry mouth be fed,
for the world is about to turn.

My heart shall sing of the day you bring,
Let the fires of you justice burn.
Wipe away all the tears, For the dawn draws near,
And the world is about to turn.

Though the nations rage from age to age,
we remember who holds us fast:
God's mercy must deliver us
from the conqueror's crushing grasp.
This saving word that our forebears heard
is the promise which holds us bound,
'Til the spear and rod can be crushed by God,
who is turning the world around.

Further Stories of Life at EMU

people surprise me. i say this because of boys...who would have guessed? boys who talk, intelligently; boys who play guitar; boys who smear food on their face just to annoy me. :) it is nice to feel like i am beginning to have friends that are guys. it is nice to be surprised that some of them are [in general] mature. it is nice to feel like here in this place i belong.


ok. that was just in my head after the morning i had. now to the real purpose of this post.
mom told me that she thinks my blog gives a great impression of what social life is like at EMU, but she doesn't know anything about my classes! this is a decided change from high school, where i would come home every day and talk without ever shutting up about AP English, Government, Anat&Phys, Music Theory, Adv. Chem...........
yeah.

so, this post is to briefly inform you all about my academic life.
Honors: is pretty sweet. My class is in general not too talkative, which makes class difficult at times. I really really like most of the people in that class. There are a few who get on my nerves, but in a room of 19 'super-smart' kids, you can imagine that there are some egos to deal with. I do not excuse myself from this...I imagine that if I talked more, people might be annoyed with me too. There is one sophmore in that class, Stewart Nofziger. He is a really interesting person to talk to. Today I shared a project that I was working on for Honors and he said "that really resonated with me." I gave a little internal shout of happiness that I have finally met a guy who thinks and talks like me!!! haha. my professor, Judy Mullet, is amazing. she goes on lots of rabbit trails but she has interesting ideas of what education and learning should look like. I have learned a lot from her. A lot of it is non-traditional learning, but it is definitely really valuable stuff.
Biology: could be better. It is hard to be motivated in this class because it seems like what we are learning is very arbitrary and random. There is not a lot of organization in the way we move from topic to topic. Hopefully it will get better soon as we are switching professors next week. Next week we are entering a new unit that is dealing with the issues of putting faith and science together. Should be interesting.
Chem: rocks. I LOVE TARA KISHBAUGH. :) :) :) The class is way too easy for me; I should have tried to test out of it. I finished my last exam in half and hour and got over 100%. But Tara makes me want to pay attention anyway. Those of you who know me well know that I REALLY struggle to pay attention to schoolwork that I feel is not interesting or worth my time. So...I think it is a testament to Tara's awesome teaching skillz that I pay attention at all in Chem.
World Religions: .... I don't even know how to describe this. It is hard because I don't know anyone in the class. It is lonely, I guess. But I love it anyway. Learning about Islam now. Maybe the best way to describe how I feel about this class is to tell a brief true-life story. I am trying to figure out what classes I am taking next semester because we have to sign up soon for classes. I asked Thia, "do you think it's creepy for me to decide to take a class just because Peter Dula is the professor?" ....Yeah. For the record, he talked to her writing class and she was just as impressed as I am by his teaching; she told me I should take the class. so - maybe I will. Meg is going to be in the class, so even though it is a 300-level, I would know someone...
Ethics: super interesting topics/very monotonous professor. I'm hoping that will improve as we move out of the "textbook" portion of class and move into reading Animal Vegetable Miracle and Sabbath Economics among other things.
um...Transitions: basically a free counseling session every Tuesday. Got to meet Ben Bergey this past Tuesday; he doesn't know it but he is one of the reasons I decided to come to EMU. When I came down for Honors Weekend they had a meal catered for us in Martin Chapel, and before the meal Ben lead us in singing "God is Great." It was in four-part harmony, and it was at this moment that I was thinking, Yes, this place is for me. I need to belong here.

I have a question for you all:
should I take Spanish 1 next semester or Elementary Arabic? I would rather take Arabic but I'm sure Spanish would be more useful. Let me know what you think.

P.S. If you want to send me package...I need some gum.

:) :) :)

I got a care package today!!! :)
and we are going to have a campfire with the guys downstairs this evening.
and I didn't oversleep my workstudy! [although it was WAY too close...]
and my laundry is done and my room is somewhat clean and I got almost eight hours of sleep last night and molly said we are gonna watch the cosby show sometime this week (?) and I sat with fun and funny people for supper and I love MAPLEWOOD and just...

<3

:)

Settlers!!!!!!!

Three posts in one day...that has to be a record. :D
I'm teaching Mariah, Molly, and Kathryn how to play Settlers! This day is so awesome!

Never Mind

i changed my mind....
this is a great day. someone left bread in the lounge with a sign, take, eat, and be merry; I finished my test in half an hour and so have extra time for lunch; its cool enough to wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants; I was the first one to finish my test; I think I had to have gotten an A- at least; Lucas [i'm pretty sure] is playing guitar on the second floor and I think writing a song - on the way up the stairs I heard words like "ideologies" and "what it means to be American," I am making hot chocolate for myself, its almost the weekend which means its almost time to watch NCIS with Molly, Thia, and Ruth, I have World Religions today, and basically...I love college.

:)

its a good day to be alive in the Shenandoah valley.

dark and depressing

Its raining today, and I have an exam.

oh, the sadness of it all...

happiness is...good music

listening to b song by bela fleck/edgar meyer on youtube is THE way to make me happy on a night when i have several chapters of stuff to read...so far the count is twice tonight. :)


excuse me. three times. ok, to quote the responses to that video,
"edgar meyer has chops of doom!"
"my brain fizzes through my skull everytime i hear this song."
"Whatever it was they did, you can't do that."
"This is nothing short of world class. This transcends playing instruments. These two ARE their instruments."

And finally:
"What makes me smile is the ridiculous looks that some of the most amazing musicians have. You'd think with that much success someone would tell Bela that his hair is just a wee bit awkward."

"dude, the hair is the reason he's so good."


man. i just love it. that song never fails to make me smile. i guess i should link the video for anyone out there not comfortable with youtube. here goes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AYz62UxLPg

and...now i'm listening again, as i finish up my bio hw. :D

>:(

I don't know where all my time went yesterday. Actually...yeah, I do...It was sucked into the black hole of Do-Fun-Stuff-With-My-Friends. I could have slept for 12 hours last night and instead got about 6.5 hours of sleep. :( That is so sad.

I did get to go to a hymn sing, though...that was pretty awesome. But unlucky as I am, I stood between two sopranos.

Can I just say that 8:00 classes are SO NOT COOL? ugh. I am going back to bed as soon as Honors is done.

*cringe*

i shrieked tonight. in the stairwell. where it echoed. i think the guys on the second floor thought i was being molested cause they all came running out and were like "ARE YOU OK? WHAT'S GOING ON?"

...leah POKED me!


my second personality is out of the bag.

In my happy place...

I went to the Early Church at OCP yesterday...what an experience. Remind me to never walk three miles in flip flops again.



I've been pretty good so far about not wasting time...but today I watched NCIS. Two episodes. 0_o.

I also hung out with Amanda Grace, Molly, and Thia! :) :) :) :) They are so awesome. Molly is my chem buddy [by the way I got to switch into another lab!!!!!!!!!!!!], Amanda went to my Aunt Donna's church in Richmond and actually was a part of her wedding along with me, and Thia...well Thia is just awesome. The four of us hung out for a while - read: about an hour? - and then Thia and I talked for a LONG time. We decided that Peter is like the most amazing person ever, and the force of his mind is like a superpower. Actually that last part was just me, but...its still pretty true.

I love Monday nights because I almost never have anything due the next day.

That. Rocks.


I think I'll get to go to the beach this weekend! Man, how could this day get any better?

procrastination...

is an art. :)
but i feel sort of entitled to be lazy after spending six hours in the science center today. read again: SIX HOURS. and i can't stand my chem lab partner. luckily - ? - we are only working together three hours a week...

i still have so much to do but no motivation.

tomorrow will be better i think. i'm learning to think like a Jew in World Religions. should be interesting.

.....i wish it was saturday.

ooooo. Scawy.

AHHH! World Religions is so intimidating! :O
and I need to spend another $50 for four more textbooks. :/


the title is in reference to my cousin jackson... ;)

Paradigm Shift

Today was SO good. Like - this is why I came to college good. I don't know if I can even get down in words why I loved this day, but I'll try...

So. First was church at Park View Mennonite. The church itself didn't jump out at me as amazing, but the singing - I left thinking man, I think I've been cheated cause I didn't get to experience this before. The acoustics in that building made every note resonate, and hearing all the harmonies fit together...yeah, I really can't describe it. Moving on.

Fellowship meal! Meeting several EMU faculty at church! Sitting at a table with EMU juniors who were happy to talk to me!

Then the best part. Today the guys and girls halls for the "Walking Disciples" intentional communities met for the first time to figure out together what we want to get out of this year. It was so good. I came away - already! - with questions and new ideas. I got to share what I learned at convention, that community can be seen as "knowing and being known."

We talked for an hour and a half and then broke for dinner. I went to the dining hall with the girls from my floor and after we sat down, four guys from downstairs sat down with us. There was discussion of what we had talked of earlier, and a lot of talk about an organization called Our Community Place (OCP). In the process of talking, one of the guys pulled out a textbook for a class involving justice and peacebuilding and began to read random snippets to us. He read something about libertarianism, and some interesting comments got tossed around the table. Someone said "created by white men for white men!" The guy sitting next to me (Nathan?) brought up a point that I had never thought about. He said that the author is assuming that people can all make it on their own. He said "[Libertarianism] presupposes a world that does not exist."

I was like - wow. That is huge. Assuming that people can all make it on their own. Isn't the point of intentional community that people do better when we are not on our own? Isn't the point of Chrisianity living in community? I had this personal paradigm shift...When I was at gov school we talked about how there are ideas that frame how we think and it takes a paradigm shift to help us frame our issues in new ways. Come to think of it - we were basically learning about Ruling Ideas. Anyway. Walking back from the dining hall I just kept thinking about this question of "can we make it on our own?" For me this question has a lot of political overtones as well as religious, because I feel like a big ideological split between Republicans and Democrats in the US involves this question - yet somehow the question is never framed in these words. I am not positive that I can say this exactly how I mean, but here is my attempt. Really, when I think about all the huge issues dividing our country right now, many, if not most, have a root in the idea that people can or can't survive on their own. Health care - Democrats think that people can't survive on their own, and therefore the government should help them out. Isn't that the deep reason as to why they want reform? We can debate if the government should or should not be the one to provide the support net, but the point is that the people currently in power have seen that man cannot make it alone.

So this idea of paradigm shift, of ruling ideas...yeah, I just had my way of thinking about government totally set on a new path, and I made connections between PGSHC and Honors and I've just figured out why Judy Mullet keeps asking us if it is the ideas that rule or the people who have these ideas and ... wow. What a day.

I love EMU. I feel a whole lot less intelligent that I did last month at this time, but I love it here. :D :D :D

introducing the overachiever...

I'm adding another class! Now I'm up to 18 credit hours. :)
It is World Religions, taught by Peter Dula. I've mapped out the classes I'm taking for my next four years and I think I can major in Biology and get a double minor - Chemistry and Bible&Religion. World Relgions is my first step on the road to my B&R minor. So...double :)!!!

I've wasted a few hours over the past few days agonizing over what class I should add, so now I need to go and do homework.

Signed -
The Overachiever

first foray into other cultures

Today at lunch I sat down with a table of girls that I sort of knew, but not really. More people kept joining us, and by the time I was done eating, there were six other people and ALL of them had traveled internationally. Amanda had lived in India for a year, Claire did an internship-thing in South Africa and taught English for a summer in India, and the other girls had traveled everywhere from Costa Rica to South Korea. :O

Yesterday we had a picnic for supper and I sat with Thia in a circle of students from South Korea. It felt sort of like the time I went to the Korean church in Pittsburg - awkward and a little weird, but super cool at the same time. Kelly and Jenna live on the third floor of Maplewood with me, and one of the Isaacs lives on the second floor. All four of them are friendly and speak English amazingly well. They said that they love EMU. :)

On Wednesday I am going to go to chapel and hear about the bike trip to Paraguay for the Mennonite World Conference. Although I don't know the students who will be presenting, I'm sure I will be amazed and blessed by what they have to say.


All this to say - I feel incredibly multi-cultural!

Practice Resurrection

http://www.context.org/ICLIB/IC30/Berry.htm

good stuff, yeah?
in honors today we talked of learning as discipleship. we read the story of zaccheus and i taught what i learned at convention; seeing salvation as healing. we gathered together and learned in an anabaptist way - community. we spoke of lifelines and lanterns. we ate together. breakfast of waffles with chocolate chips is a sort of communion. and in the back of my mind i am meditating on the poetry of Wendell Berry -

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it....

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias....

Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts....

Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Classes begin

I had my first class today...
Honors 101 - Ruling Ideas. At 8:00. I was tired and nervous and had a headache; all in all not my finest first impression. But I can tell that the class will be awesome, as will the people. After Honors was over, I headed to the cafeteria with two other people from the class, Darien and Erika. Eating breakfast with them Tuesday and Thursday may become a very pleasant tradition. :)

Then I went back to my room and slept. Then lunch. Then transitions, where noting of import ever seems to happen. Then reading for honors, more sleeping (remember, I felt sort of sick) and then BARBEQUE! and SOCCER GAME! :D

College life rocks.

On my own!

First quote to think about:

"A man's reach should exceed his grasp..."
-Robert Browning

So far today I've attended my first church service at EMU, eaten Ethiopian food, said good-by to my parents, played a game of giant dutch blitz, a game of uno (I won!), visited my transition teacher's house, felt overwhelmed by the amount of people surrounding me, and crashed back in my dorm. There are still ... 3 hours of planned activites left? Yikes.

And so it begins - first assignment, first (admittedly small) crisis, first questions...first moment of deep thinking.
A man's reach should exceed his grasp. Well. I guess I'm doing what I ought to be, then.

First Day at EMU!!! :D

Hey everyone...
I thought rather than send out emails all the time, I would start a blog so I could keep record of the stuff that happens here. I will probably still send emails occasionally, but I like the idea of blogging better.

So. Today I moved all my stuff out of our van into the third floor of Maplewood. Maplewood doesn't have air conditioning, so you can imagine how we felt by lunchtime. :) Then I went to the Honors Reception, where I decided that the Ruling Ideas seminar is going to rock, even if it is at 8:00 in the morning.

I met my roommate, who is awesome. Thia is from Colorado and likes a lot of the same things I do, including having a deep passion for Jars of Clay. With music tastes like that, you know we'll get along!

I am excited to move past the cheesy "get to know you" games played in orienation and begin classes...which start for me at 8:00 on Tuesday.

Tomorrow my parents and Rinn are going out to eat, probably at the Blue Nile. I'll post again on Tuesday evening and let you guys know how my first REAL day goes.