what i learned (a few musings, a year later)

sitting on the grass by the fountain today, watching friends of mine graduate from EMU, i was thinking about what i've learned in the year since my own graduation.

i've learned that i am capable of moving anywhere and figuring stuff out; of surviving. that i want to thrive; that this takes its own sort of work, separate from the work of day-to-day survival. that relationships are really important, and loneliness is really common. i've learned that i want to live in a small town. i've learned that i want to know my neighbors. i've learned that i don't think it's a good idea to move hundreds of miles away for the sake of a job, and that i don't want to live more than half a day's journey away from my family. 

 i've learned that i want to invest more time into writing. i've learned that i don't think i want to have a job - no matter how much i like it, or how important i think the work is - that will have more than 45 hours/week. i feel, if this is possible, even more curious about the world than when i was in college. i feel greedy about my time. i want time to think and write and learn and pray. i want to give my life away to people, not ideas. i want to keep bits of my life for myself, too, which is what i mean when i say i am greedy about my time. i have so much to do, so much i want to do and see. i've learned that if i try hard i can learn pretty much anything. guitar is fun. i learned a lot of fingerpicking skills. i want to be better; i want to play both guitar parts of "Bloom" at speed; same with all the Jon Foreman songs; I want to figure out the tab for "Santa Fe Dream."

i learned i can make granola and pizza and cinnamon rolls, if i take the time. 

DFW was right - a lot of adult life is banality; a lot of adult life is boredom, routine, and petty frustration. And he was also right that i have the choice in how i see it, how i interact with that reality.

i miss Early Church. i miss eating with people. i miss feeling seen and known and wanted.

i've learned a lot about proteins, and electronic circuitry, and how science works. also about government, and bureaucracy, and white-collar culture.

life doesn't get less opaque. i suppose i will be wandering in the dark woods of error for quite some time.