this is a lipogram that i wrote on thursday
a lipogram is a poem that can use no "e."
abundant living is all I want.
full with
knowing many humans,
manifold failings,
abounding in faith.
a myriad of thoughts
a thousand births
sharp pinpricks
God to talk with,
child to mama.
journals brim-full with sprawling ink
swarming flying fish, and
unnatural ways of growing in this world
I want motion. a vivacious
spirit, full of turmoil.
dynamic, vigorous, and
truly conscious.
living past limits.
in margins, in doorways
liminal, luminous
past functionality
I want to finish this
day hour infinity
far from normal.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
dreaming of ice
i'm getting excited about the semester, but it has been hard to get too excited - too much of anything, really. the reason is that it's been sooo hot! i feel like a slug, a sloth, a ... well, you get the picture. i have no energy. and i feel like i can't even sleep. its almost like a never ending fever. i don't even think camp was this bad. blech.
but in the interests of filling in my readers at home, i will go over a little of what has happened this last week.
Honors Colloquium: "Is this natural? Place, fit, and balance."
talking about invasive species; invasive cultures; what is natural? what do we mean by unnatural; what is synthetic vs natural in chemisty?
its going to be super cool, i think, for many reasons. not least of which is the fact that it is taught by one of my favorite professors, matt siderhurst. (he's the chemistry prof i talked about who has dreds and does research on invasive insects in hawaii).
Physics
blech. blech. i need to review calculus - i should have taken physics last year when calc was fresh in my mind.
i am going to love this! new thoughts, new ideas. again, a class that needs lots of internal drive. learning how analytical chemists think, learning how to solve problems; yeah, learning how to think. mmm.
Poetry
Yay! so awesome. the alternate name for the class is "80 works," as in I need to write 80 works of poetry by the time the class is over. and these are not lame kiddy works, but sonnets, anglo-saxon alliterative verse, lipograms, and other specific types of poetry. the teacher for this class is SO good. she is snarky and sarcastic and has such a strong voice in the things she writes. i am going to learn how to write better, to have more control over my writing, to learn how to condense my language and use specific, lovely, luminious words.
finally, i will write about my first weekend here.
it is cooler than it was during the week. there is a breeze outside and the sky is beautiful and blue. today i wanted to go to the early church, but my bike is messed up and i didn't realize until 10 minutes before church started. so instead of biking to church thia and i walked behind the science center and met meg and sat under a willow tree. we prayed and read the bible and wrote a psalm and loved God and i decided that i am very glad to be among friends who long to know God and to be still in the deathless truth of his presence.
but in the interests of filling in my readers at home, i will go over a little of what has happened this last week.
Honors Colloquium: "Is this natural? Place, fit, and balance."
talking about invasive species; invasive cultures; what is natural? what do we mean by unnatural; what is synthetic vs natural in chemisty?
its going to be super cool, i think, for many reasons. not least of which is the fact that it is taught by one of my favorite professors, matt siderhurst. (he's the chemistry prof i talked about who has dreds and does research on invasive insects in hawaii).
Physics
blech. blech. i need to review calculus - i should have taken physics last year when calc was fresh in my mind.
Advanced Cell Biology
scariest class - tiny and in-depth and hard and self-directed and ... eeee.
i am going to love this! new thoughts, new ideas. again, a class that needs lots of internal drive. learning how analytical chemists think, learning how to solve problems; yeah, learning how to think. mmm.
Poetry
Yay! so awesome. the alternate name for the class is "80 works," as in I need to write 80 works of poetry by the time the class is over. and these are not lame kiddy works, but sonnets, anglo-saxon alliterative verse, lipograms, and other specific types of poetry. the teacher for this class is SO good. she is snarky and sarcastic and has such a strong voice in the things she writes. i am going to learn how to write better, to have more control over my writing, to learn how to condense my language and use specific, lovely, luminious words.
finally, i will write about my first weekend here.
it is cooler than it was during the week. there is a breeze outside and the sky is beautiful and blue. today i wanted to go to the early church, but my bike is messed up and i didn't realize until 10 minutes before church started. so instead of biking to church thia and i walked behind the science center and met meg and sat under a willow tree. we prayed and read the bible and wrote a psalm and loved God and i decided that i am very glad to be among friends who long to know God and to be still in the deathless truth of his presence.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
first day of classes
i am very scared of this semester.
i had my advanced cell biology lab this morning and - i'm very scared. i tested out of molecules, genes and cells and so the last time i had any of this information was in high school. this class is an experiment that hasn't been done before. there are 7 or 8 people in the class and on mondays and wednesdays we are learning about - whatever we want to learn about, discussing problems, learning really in depth about applications of cell biology. on tuesdays we have lab where after the first 3 weeks we are designing an experiment to carry to completion by the end of the course.
the grading breaks down like this:
problems: 6 (3 oral and 3 written) x 100 points
quizzes: 5 X 20 points
Lab
-participation 100 points
-proposal 100 points
-presentation 100 points
problems make up the majority of the class. this is our first problem:
Do viruses cause cancer? if so, how? on the way to answering this main question, answer at least five of the following:
*list five types of cancer that have demonstrated relationships with viral infections
*can the common cold give you cancer?
*is cancer contagious?
*why do some viruses lead to cancer, but not all?
*do all viruses that lead to cancer formation do it in the same way?
*why do some infections with the Epstein-Bar virus lead to cancer, but many don't?
*Give a clear and detailed cell biological mechanism for how a particular type of virus can lead to a particular cancer
*Compare the mechanism of oncogenesis by Epstein-Barr virus vs. human papillomvirus
so then we get a list of "suggested readings" and the advice to do more research outside of class, and we write a report or give an oral presentation, and get graded. yeehaa!
today we were just going over basic cell structures and two of the people in my group are - super scary smart seniors that I recognize from last year. one of them did research with one of the chemistry professors and one worked at a cell biology lab this past summer. they know soooo much and i felt very out of my depth, comfort zone, whatever you want to call it.
i know that this class will be very good for me - it is an awesome chance to develop lab skills, problem-solving skills, independent research skills as a sophomore. and it is good to get this information that i missed in molecules genes and cells. but: i'm a little nervous. ;)
i had my advanced cell biology lab this morning and - i'm very scared. i tested out of molecules, genes and cells and so the last time i had any of this information was in high school. this class is an experiment that hasn't been done before. there are 7 or 8 people in the class and on mondays and wednesdays we are learning about - whatever we want to learn about, discussing problems, learning really in depth about applications of cell biology. on tuesdays we have lab where after the first 3 weeks we are designing an experiment to carry to completion by the end of the course.
the grading breaks down like this:
problems: 6 (3 oral and 3 written) x 100 points
quizzes: 5 X 20 points
Lab
-participation 100 points
-proposal 100 points
-presentation 100 points
problems make up the majority of the class. this is our first problem:
Do viruses cause cancer? if so, how? on the way to answering this main question, answer at least five of the following:
*list five types of cancer that have demonstrated relationships with viral infections
*can the common cold give you cancer?
*is cancer contagious?
*why do some viruses lead to cancer, but not all?
*do all viruses that lead to cancer formation do it in the same way?
*why do some infections with the Epstein-Bar virus lead to cancer, but many don't?
*Give a clear and detailed cell biological mechanism for how a particular type of virus can lead to a particular cancer
*Compare the mechanism of oncogenesis by Epstein-Barr virus vs. human papillomvirus
so then we get a list of "suggested readings" and the advice to do more research outside of class, and we write a report or give an oral presentation, and get graded. yeehaa!
today we were just going over basic cell structures and two of the people in my group are - super scary smart seniors that I recognize from last year. one of them did research with one of the chemistry professors and one worked at a cell biology lab this past summer. they know soooo much and i felt very out of my depth, comfort zone, whatever you want to call it.
i know that this class will be very good for me - it is an awesome chance to develop lab skills, problem-solving skills, independent research skills as a sophomore. and it is good to get this information that i missed in molecules genes and cells. but: i'm a little nervous. ;)
Saturday, August 28, 2010
last night at home
i failed at my blog this summer! i'll have to fix that this fall. ;)
i can't believe it is the last night already. i'm heading down to harrisonburg tomorrow morning. this summer was unbelievable. hopefully my fall will continue to be life-changing, beautiful, full of life and art and God.
AHHHH SCHOOL IS SOOOOOOOOON! :D
i can't believe it is the last night already. i'm heading down to harrisonburg tomorrow morning. this summer was unbelievable. hopefully my fall will continue to be life-changing, beautiful, full of life and art and God.
AHHHH SCHOOL IS SOOOOOOOOON! :D
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
so i wrote this when i was back in lancaster...
here i am again, back in strasburg. i'm trying to figure out how i can summarize up my summer to fit in one managable blog post and the truth is i don't think i can. i have no idea how to make the hugeness, the busyness, the real -ness of this summer shine through these few paragraphs.
i really can't even think of a place to begin. with the beginning and my adventure training where i hiked 10 miles and learned to belay on a rock wall? or with my first camp - Shalom, a camp for adults with mental disabilities. maybe i should start with what is freshest in my mind, my last week where i had a high-school aged cabin camp. should i begin with talking about the trivial things or the moments and people that actually changed my heart? there is just so much.
maybe i will pick a few highlights and just describe them to death and leave it at that.
...
shalom.
my first week of camp after orientation. the best way to describe it is to say that during this week, i learned what love looks like. i started the week focused on the idea of disabilities: how the three women i was responsible for needed help getting dressed. wouldn't brush their teeth unless i told them (and watched, sometimes). they needed help with sunscreen. one needed help with her walker. the first two days i was so overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and afraid. and then love happened. i saw how all of the campers loved each other. they loved without reservations, without fear. they had no self-consciousness. they prayed for each other, laughed with each other, and saw each other as equals. if i started the week focused on disabilities, i ended on a different note. i could simply say that my campers were beautiful people, that they were loved, and leave it at that.
memorable campers
i had one little girl during my second week as a counselor who completely captured my heart. she was such a little thing; seven years old and so tiny. her backpack looked like it was literally half her size. she asked my questions during the week: miss emily, if God created the world, who created God? miss emily, how can Jesus fit in your heart? cause your heart is only *this* big, you know. and i don't understand what the trinity means. miss emily, how can you be sure that we are right? about the Bible and stuff. cause we could be wrong. and then one night after there had been what basically amounted to an alter call that evolved into some time of prayer during vespers, she told me that she felt happy sad. i feel sort of strange inside. like - shivery. and i knew God was doing miraculous things; becoming real in the heart of one of his children.
i really can't even think of a place to begin. with the beginning and my adventure training where i hiked 10 miles and learned to belay on a rock wall? or with my first camp - Shalom, a camp for adults with mental disabilities. maybe i should start with what is freshest in my mind, my last week where i had a high-school aged cabin camp. should i begin with talking about the trivial things or the moments and people that actually changed my heart? there is just so much.
maybe i will pick a few highlights and just describe them to death and leave it at that.
...
shalom.
my first week of camp after orientation. the best way to describe it is to say that during this week, i learned what love looks like. i started the week focused on the idea of disabilities: how the three women i was responsible for needed help getting dressed. wouldn't brush their teeth unless i told them (and watched, sometimes). they needed help with sunscreen. one needed help with her walker. the first two days i was so overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and afraid. and then love happened. i saw how all of the campers loved each other. they loved without reservations, without fear. they had no self-consciousness. they prayed for each other, laughed with each other, and saw each other as equals. if i started the week focused on disabilities, i ended on a different note. i could simply say that my campers were beautiful people, that they were loved, and leave it at that.
memorable campers
i had one little girl during my second week as a counselor who completely captured my heart. she was such a little thing; seven years old and so tiny. her backpack looked like it was literally half her size. she asked my questions during the week: miss emily, if God created the world, who created God? miss emily, how can Jesus fit in your heart? cause your heart is only *this* big, you know. and i don't understand what the trinity means. miss emily, how can you be sure that we are right? about the Bible and stuff. cause we could be wrong. and then one night after there had been what basically amounted to an alter call that evolved into some time of prayer during vespers, she told me that she felt happy sad. i feel sort of strange inside. like - shivery. and i knew God was doing miraculous things; becoming real in the heart of one of his children.
then there was one of my campers who gave me problems all week - attitude, being extra rambunctious to get attention, ignoring me when i gave directions - and i found out on the thursday before she left that her step-dad had just gotten home after a year and a half in the army (i think she said he was deployed in afghanistan, not sure). and she wrote a little note to me that said i was the best counselor she ever had. [on a side note: never grow weary in doing good - for you never know who is watching.]
i had one camper whose life story just broke my heart. tragic stuff happened (is still happening, probably). she came and did not believe that God was good. i think she barely believed that a god could be real at all. she said that she didn't even want to try to be a christian, because all the summer staff were already perfect (news to me!) and it wasn't worth trying cause she wasn't. and so i wrote her a letter and she wrote back and said she was coming back to camp later in the summer. she came, and God met her, or she met God, or something. and on the friday that she was going to leave she said that 'now i'm a christian' and she could see little ways God had moved in her life. and i think she is learning, beginning to see that God is good.
horse camps
it was strange being on the other side of a camp. being in charge, knowing the schedule, planning fun things during free time and leading cabin devos. i got to ride horses! and share in the excitement of the kids that came who wanted to know more about horsemanship. ...it was pretty awesome.
discos
discoverers was the BEST WEEK OF THE SUMMER. my second to last week - middle school aged kids. i don't think it is possible for me to overstate how awesome this week was. for one thing, it was SO much fun. we had this lip-syncing contest where each cabin had a song and had an hour and a half to learn it and choreograph a dance to it and then performed it in front of all the other cabins. (there were 10 cabins, so it took a while). they all got so into it. and then there was the shaving cream battle and the slippy slide; trail rides; hiking; lake games; a raft challenge; cookout; camp out... lots of fun. and the *BEST* thing of all was that these kids were so, so willing and ready to meet God. no, wait. that wasn't the best. the real best thing was that the Uncreated One, the God who saves, the God who pursues and loves and forgives and breathed stars into existence met us. we came to worship and to learn and to love and oh, man, did that get poured back into this camp exponentially. one night our vespers that were supposed to last 45 minutes took 3 hours. and the next night there were kids praying for each other, loving each other, encouraging one another to live in a new way. so. yeah, God is good.
spds. the a-team
the leadership at camp is divided into several branches, and it is all somewhat complicated so i won't get into it all here. but one of the neat things about how camp is run is that during the summer, there are several leadership positions that are just for the summer, meaning that they are filled by summer staff. as in - people my age. summer program directors are in charge of running camps, making schedules, planning the events and making sure they go smoothly, helping counselors out if there are problem children, etc. the A-team is the name for the "advance team" of camp pastors, worship director, SPDs, rec decs (aka rec directors), and other leadership positions. I LOVE THE A-TEAM. And I learned so, so much from them. I learned about leadership, about Christian discipleship, about showing grace to people who make mistakes. I learned what good leadership looks like - encouraging those under you, looking for their strengths and growing them. I think I became a better leader just by working under the A-team this summer.
songs and silly things
I learned lots of camp songs. LOTS. haha. If you want to hear some ask me next time you see me...
lauren and liz and barbara
i made new friends! that are really awesome and encouraged me all summer and - there are so many beautiful, beautiful souls in the world. i learned to keep my eyes open for new friends.
God.
I met God this summer. I did. I prayed and worshipped and read my Bible and in the midst of that God came and met me and I became something new.
It was very good.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
100th post!
i've gotten to 100 posts in just under a year. i'm sort of surprised that i actually have people reading all the stuff i've written. for all of you who read my blog - thanks!
today i am thinking about grace. -- the beginning of this week has been pretty tough for me. i am working in another family camp hosted in sylvan, and i miss cabin camps and my last family camp. this week i am living in my staff housing instead of with the campers because sylvan is full. it is very strange. i really loved my last family camp and i miss them.
:( i've had a bad attitude for the past day or two and although i've tried to hide it from everyone else, i could tell that it was affecting my service to the guests here. so - i was talking with one of the counselors tonight about how i have a bad attitude and am just having an emotional blech moment, and she asked if she could pray for me for anything. I said: yeah, um, pray that i will have joy. in God. and i meant it, you know, it was actually something i wanted - but it was the Christian cliche speak that i had sworn off for the summer. it was real but with the taste and tang of fake.
so where does grace come in? it is that i just came back from the late night pool party where one of the girls who i've barely spent any time with told me that you're one of my four favorite counselors! this awesome little girl (i think she is about 9 years old, maybe) who isn't in my age group just rescued my night. showed me that God can work despite my attitude. reminded me that i should *have* a good attitude. helped me think of things without using that ridiculous Christian-language. ... mmm. second chances.
grace. second chances. this is what the kingdom of God is like.
like awesome long conversations with family campers who bless me while i'm trying to serve them
like me admitting that i fail, failed, will fail
like a night redeemed
like - prayer at the outdoor chapel in the midst of green trees
like counselors praying for each other, like us asking ("taking initiative!")
like loving without jealousy. no possesiveness, no comparisons.
like seeing people in a new way because the Uncreated One is in me and I am new I am a new creation
like finding a box of cheezits in the staff lounge with my name on them because one of my friends here heard me say two weeks ago that they are my favorite junk food :)
like writing a letter to a camper i care about and getting an email back. an honest email, one that is full out bruises and questions but ends with an i love you.
like facebookchat conversations with old friends from home that contain my new favorite line: yeah Jesus is like mmm good.
YES. yes yes yes. this is what the kingdom of God is like. mmm. mmm good. <3
edit//
P.S. Grandma - thanks for the postcard!!! :)
today i am thinking about grace. -- the beginning of this week has been pretty tough for me. i am working in another family camp hosted in sylvan, and i miss cabin camps and my last family camp. this week i am living in my staff housing instead of with the campers because sylvan is full. it is very strange. i really loved my last family camp and i miss them.
:( i've had a bad attitude for the past day or two and although i've tried to hide it from everyone else, i could tell that it was affecting my service to the guests here. so - i was talking with one of the counselors tonight about how i have a bad attitude and am just having an emotional blech moment, and she asked if she could pray for me for anything. I said: yeah, um, pray that i will have joy. in God. and i meant it, you know, it was actually something i wanted - but it was the Christian cliche speak that i had sworn off for the summer. it was real but with the taste and tang of fake.
so where does grace come in? it is that i just came back from the late night pool party where one of the girls who i've barely spent any time with told me that you're one of my four favorite counselors! this awesome little girl (i think she is about 9 years old, maybe) who isn't in my age group just rescued my night. showed me that God can work despite my attitude. reminded me that i should *have* a good attitude. helped me think of things without using that ridiculous Christian-language. ... mmm. second chances.
grace. second chances. this is what the kingdom of God is like.
like awesome long conversations with family campers who bless me while i'm trying to serve them
like me admitting that i fail, failed, will fail
like a night redeemed
like - prayer at the outdoor chapel in the midst of green trees
like counselors praying for each other, like us asking ("taking initiative!")
like loving without jealousy. no possesiveness, no comparisons.
like seeing people in a new way because the Uncreated One is in me and I am new I am a new creation
like finding a box of cheezits in the staff lounge with my name on them because one of my friends here heard me say two weeks ago that they are my favorite junk food :)
like writing a letter to a camper i care about and getting an email back. an honest email, one that is full out bruises and questions but ends with an i love you.
like facebookchat conversations with old friends from home that contain my new favorite line: yeah Jesus is like mmm good.
YES. yes yes yes. this is what the kingdom of God is like. mmm. mmm good. <3
edit//
P.S. Grandma - thanks for the postcard!!! :)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
at the half-way point
this summer is going really fast. its crazy - i've already been here for five and a half weeks. its been really good. i've met lots of people who i already love dearly.
i don't even know how to begin talking about the things i have experienced so far. everything is so intense, because we are all running on little sleep and have barely left the camp for over a month. and there is so much to say! my days are so full: creek-stomps, lake games, hiking, making crafts, building bottle rockets, night games where counselors get kidnapped and goons are running around, giant shaving cream battles, slippy-slides, pool parties, silly songs, making friends, planning Bible studies, staff worship on Wednesday nights, laundromat on Fridays, rock wall climbing, kettle corn made over an open fire...
and my heart is so full: prayer and worship. awesome friends on staff. being blessed by campers. meeting God at the outdoor chapel. mmm.
this is what i read today, outside under the rain-wet trees while birds sang and the wind whispered.
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: "O Lord, save me!" The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believed even when I said, "I am greatly afflicted." And in my dismay I said, "All men are liars." How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, your faithful son; you have freed me from my chains. I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the house of the Lord - in your midst, O Jerusalem. Praise the Lord. ---Psalm 116
It is really tiring to be here. I am exhausted. But my spirit is being refreshed and made new. And so I can say "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."
i don't even know how to begin talking about the things i have experienced so far. everything is so intense, because we are all running on little sleep and have barely left the camp for over a month. and there is so much to say! my days are so full: creek-stomps, lake games, hiking, making crafts, building bottle rockets, night games where counselors get kidnapped and goons are running around, giant shaving cream battles, slippy-slides, pool parties, silly songs, making friends, planning Bible studies, staff worship on Wednesday nights, laundromat on Fridays, rock wall climbing, kettle corn made over an open fire...
and my heart is so full: prayer and worship. awesome friends on staff. being blessed by campers. meeting God at the outdoor chapel. mmm.
this is what i read today, outside under the rain-wet trees while birds sang and the wind whispered.
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: "O Lord, save me!" The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believed even when I said, "I am greatly afflicted." And in my dismay I said, "All men are liars." How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, your faithful son; you have freed me from my chains. I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the house of the Lord - in your midst, O Jerusalem. Praise the Lord. ---Psalm 116
It is really tiring to be here. I am exhausted. But my spirit is being refreshed and made new. And so I can say "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."
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