vulnerability

every time i go home i am reminded that there are actually people reading my blog. it is easy when i haven't been in lancaster for two months to feel like i am writing to an empty internet (this is what happens when i don't get feedback, people!) and then when i am reminded, i edit myself much more severely. its like i can only be vulnerable when i can get myself to believe that there is no one around to witness it. why are we (am i) so fearful of vulnerability? why do we (do i) try to hide thoughts and emotions and real life?


today i got to talk with a beautiful friend about my break and about life and questions we have and ... lots of things. one little piece of our conversation stuck with me and i journaled (on paper) about it.

currently musing on: PARADOX. and 'either/or' vs. 'both/and'

By this I mean:

body/spirit
understanding/confusion
spirituality/intellectualism
tradition/change
son of God/son of Man
beautiful/ugly
idealism/pragmatism
good works/grace
evangelical/Mennonite
natural/supernatural
orthodoxy/orthopraxy
scary/secure
pain/love
trust/fear
liberal/conservative
understanding/confusion
belief/pluralism
God's foreknowledge/human free will
gospel (whatever that means)/"social gospel" (whatever that means)
questions/strengthening your faith
being/becoming
creativity and creation/'there is nothing new under the sun'
tension/peace

why do we think EITHER/OR?
If we believe in a theology of enough, isn't there room for both? Enough space for both/and.

What a beautiful and ugly, scary and secure, tension-full and peaceful idea.
Space for both, and.
Yes.

A lot of life is about figuring out how to navigate tensions between two ideas that feel very polar to each other. The funny thing is, both poles are necessary to be healthy. It is really difficult to find that spot where you are receptive to both. To steal a line from one of my favorite quotes, it is "treading the narrow edge of unrelieved intellectual tension." It's hard. But - it is worth it, I think. Receptivity to both poles allows for encounter. It allows humans to encounter other people and to encounter God in places we don't plan for and don't expect. In my opinion, that is worth the struggle.