i've been trying to figure out a Christmas post for the last couple days. and i feel like i am lacking in originality; in meaning; in good words. i guess if anyone wants to, they can read my post from last year: http://emilyharnish.blogspot.com/2009/12/christmas-eve.html
cause i still think that post is relevant.
but this year, rather than trying to add something to a day where we say and spend and laugh and cry and exist in extravagant ways, i thought i'd instead ask you (ask me) to be still for a moment.
click on this link and let it play in the background.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hv4ctye47OM
read these lyrics.
Go into the world
Showing how much He loves you
Walk in the world
In merciful ways, He loves you
He loves you
Emmanuel on Earth
Yours is the body
The hands and the feet
And Yours are the eyes to look compassionately
To bless you and me
Bless you and me
He will bless you and me
Go into the world
Showing how much He loves you
Walk in the world
Meaningful ways, He loves you
He loves you
Emmanuel on Earth
God with us on Earth
Yours is the body
The hands and the feet
And Yours are the eyes to look compassionately
To bless you and me
Bless you and me
He will bless you and me
To bless you and me
Bless you and me
To bless you and me
Go into the world
Showing how much He loves you
think about that -
Emmanuel on Earth
God with us on Earth.
Christmas. God with us on Earth. To bless us, love us; to cause us to walk in the world in meaningful ways. It is so beautiful.
So - yeah. ...Try to Love the Questions Themselves...'s Christmas benediction is:
Go into the world. Show it how much He loves us. Amen.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
so, technology's pretty cool...
...seeing as how i'm updating this from my phone :) i don't really have anything to say (other than the fact that i am much faster at typing than texting!) so - merry almost-Christmas!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
i don't know how to start.
i don't know how to start writing about what has happened in the past four months. there is so much - and it is hard to think back on what did happen and be present where i am now.
in light of that, i'm going to put off writing about past things in favor or posting thoughts crossing my mind tonight.
“I’ve got a hope that never fails me…”
That’s how the Trent Wagler EP Timbered Choir begins. I just happened to be listening to that song while I was on facebook, facing down an onslaught of “Support our Troops” badges littering my News Feed. Sometimes I feel like if more of my acquaintances knew my views on pacifism, on patriotism, on the twisted and twined-together roles of church and state, I would get into a lot more arguments.
I wonder sometimes if I am too extremist. Like - if so many people I know are putting “Support our Troops” stickers all over their cars, all over their facebooks –should I really resist on the principle that “Support” means more than a yellow sticker? Should I give up on making things too complicated? Sometimes I feel like I am trying to keep my name; that my name has power behind it, has honor, and I don't want to give it up to something I'm sure that others will misinterpret. (I wonder if a facebook "name" is worth anything). My definition of "Support" is so much more complex than a prayer for God to bless America. I want to tell people – the reason I won’t add this badge to my facebook is that I think wars hurt more than help. I know people die (our troops. "enemy" troops. civilians) and I can't see how adding a yellow badge saying I offer my support will help.
I want to say, I’ve got a hope that never fails me. It isn’t a hope in military power. It isn’t a hope in the United States government. And despite my (nearly) limitless hope in the potential for love and goodness, beauty and peace, it isn’t a hope in people (American or otherwise). As Trent Wagler goes on to sing in his song
When Its All Stripped Away:
with no status, no power, no women or men –
with it all stripped away where will you stand?
with no profit, no weapons, no money in your hands,
with it all stripped away where will you stand?
stand up
stand up in the early morning
stand up
stand up when there is no morning
stand up
stand up when the storm is rising all around
with no color, no creed, no bible to defend
with it all stripped away, where will you stand?
when this world turns violent
when there’s no side left to win
with it all stripped away where will you stand?
stand up
stand up when the wind is blowing
stand up
stand up when the tears are flowing
stand up
when justice calls and you hear the sound…
so when you’re quiet, alone
this day has met its end
when its all stripped away, where will you stand?
with it all stripped away where will you stand?
I want to stand on the Prince of Peace.
That's what I'm staking my hope on. That's what I'm giving my heart to.
So - sorry, facebook acquaintances. Until you have time in your sound-bite world to let me say all that, I can't put the yellow badge on my profile.
http://www.jesusradicals.com/advent-and-the-liturgies-of-church-and-state/
in light of that, i'm going to put off writing about past things in favor or posting thoughts crossing my mind tonight.
“I’ve got a hope that never fails me…”
That’s how the Trent Wagler EP Timbered Choir begins. I just happened to be listening to that song while I was on facebook, facing down an onslaught of “Support our Troops” badges littering my News Feed. Sometimes I feel like if more of my acquaintances knew my views on pacifism, on patriotism, on the twisted and twined-together roles of church and state, I would get into a lot more arguments.
I wonder sometimes if I am too extremist. Like - if so many people I know are putting “Support our Troops” stickers all over their cars, all over their facebooks –should I really resist on the principle that “Support” means more than a yellow sticker? Should I give up on making things too complicated? Sometimes I feel like I am trying to keep my name; that my name has power behind it, has honor, and I don't want to give it up to something I'm sure that others will misinterpret. (I wonder if a facebook "name" is worth anything). My definition of "Support" is so much more complex than a prayer for God to bless America. I want to tell people – the reason I won’t add this badge to my facebook is that I think wars hurt more than help. I know people die (our troops. "enemy" troops. civilians) and I can't see how adding a yellow badge saying I offer my support will help.
I want to say, I’ve got a hope that never fails me. It isn’t a hope in military power. It isn’t a hope in the United States government. And despite my (nearly) limitless hope in the potential for love and goodness, beauty and peace, it isn’t a hope in people (American or otherwise). As Trent Wagler goes on to sing in his song
When Its All Stripped Away:
with no status, no power, no women or men –
with it all stripped away where will you stand?
with no profit, no weapons, no money in your hands,
with it all stripped away where will you stand?
stand up
stand up in the early morning
stand up
stand up when there is no morning
stand up
stand up when the storm is rising all around
with no color, no creed, no bible to defend
with it all stripped away, where will you stand?
when this world turns violent
when there’s no side left to win
with it all stripped away where will you stand?
stand up
stand up when the wind is blowing
stand up
stand up when the tears are flowing
stand up
when justice calls and you hear the sound…
so when you’re quiet, alone
this day has met its end
when its all stripped away, where will you stand?
with it all stripped away where will you stand?
I want to stand on the Prince of Peace.
That's what I'm staking my hope on. That's what I'm giving my heart to.
So - sorry, facebook acquaintances. Until you have time in your sound-bite world to let me say all that, I can't put the yellow badge on my profile.
http://www.jesusradicals.com/advent-and-the-liturgies-of-church-and-state/
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
so close
all that's left is a paper, a presentation, finishing writing a chem lab, finishing up lab work in cell bio, three exams, two homework assignments, submitting poetry to a journal, and packing up my room. :) see, almost done!!!
Friday, December 10, 2010
almost done
so i haven't been a very prolific blog-poster this semester - that may have something to do with the fact that i am spending most of my time "underground," aka the basement of the science center.
but. that does not mean that things worthy of being celebrated, mused over, talked about, and laughed at haven't happened. they just aren't public yet. ;)
one cool thing that happened this morning:
this week has been so stressful - feeling like i can't possibly get everything done that needs to get done. last night i was in the science center til around 10:30 and i was listening to my iPod on the walk back to my dorm. i was listening to the song "Peace" by Jennifer Knapp and when i got to my room it wasn't finished playing, but i pulled out the earbuds (effectively hitting "pause") and put my iPod on to charge. i forgot to take it off, so this morning when my alarm went off, instead of a blaring beep-beep-beep I got to hear he is my light and my salvation; whom have i to fear?
but. that does not mean that things worthy of being celebrated, mused over, talked about, and laughed at haven't happened. they just aren't public yet. ;)
one cool thing that happened this morning:
this week has been so stressful - feeling like i can't possibly get everything done that needs to get done. last night i was in the science center til around 10:30 and i was listening to my iPod on the walk back to my dorm. i was listening to the song "Peace" by Jennifer Knapp and when i got to my room it wasn't finished playing, but i pulled out the earbuds (effectively hitting "pause") and put my iPod on to charge. i forgot to take it off, so this morning when my alarm went off, instead of a blaring beep-beep-beep I got to hear he is my light and my salvation; whom have i to fear?
Monday, November 22, 2010
on the eve of thanksgiving break,
i would like to post a poem that makes me grateful.
i thought of posting the why of my gratefulness, but i think i will not, and will allow you all to reason it out for yourselves.
Pharaoh's Cross
It would be easier to be an atheist; it is the simple way out.
But each time I turn toward that wide and welcoming door
it slams shut in my face, and I - like my forebears - Adam, Eve -
am left outside the garden of reason and limited, chill science
and the arguments of intellect.
Who is this wild cherubim who whirls the flaming sword
'twixt the door to the house of atheism and me?
Sometimes in the groping dark of my not knowing
I am exhausted with the struggle to believe in you, O God.
Your ways are not our ways. Your ways are extraordinary.
You sent evil angels to the Egyptians and killed;
you killed countless babes in order that Pharaoh,
whose heart was hardened by you (that worries me, Lord)
might be slow to let the Hebrew children go.
You turned back the waters of the Red Sea
and your Chosen People went through on dry land
and the Egyptians were drowned, men with wives and children,
young men with mothers and fathers (your ways are not our ways)
and there was much rejoicing at all this death,
and the angels laughed and sang, and you stopped them, saying,
"How can you sing when my children are drowning?"
When your people reach Mount Sinai you warned Moses
not to let any of them near you lest you break forth
on them with death in your hand.
You are Love, and you command us to love,
and yet you yourself turn men's hearts to evil,
and you wipe out nations with one sweep of the hand -
the Amorites and the Hittites and the Peruzzites -
gone, all gone. It seems that any means will do, and yet -
all these things are but stories told about you by fallen man,
part of the story (for your ways are not our ways)
but not the whole story. You are our author,
and we try to listen to what you say,
but we suffer from faulty hearing and loss of language
and we get the words wrong.
Listen: you came to us as one of us
and lived with us and died for us and descended into hell for us
and burst out into life for us:
Do you now hold Pharaoh in your arms?
-Madeleine L'Engle, A Cry Like a Bell
i thought of posting the why of my gratefulness, but i think i will not, and will allow you all to reason it out for yourselves.
Pharaoh's Cross
It would be easier to be an atheist; it is the simple way out.
But each time I turn toward that wide and welcoming door
it slams shut in my face, and I - like my forebears - Adam, Eve -
am left outside the garden of reason and limited, chill science
and the arguments of intellect.
Who is this wild cherubim who whirls the flaming sword
'twixt the door to the house of atheism and me?
Sometimes in the groping dark of my not knowing
I am exhausted with the struggle to believe in you, O God.
Your ways are not our ways. Your ways are extraordinary.
You sent evil angels to the Egyptians and killed;
you killed countless babes in order that Pharaoh,
whose heart was hardened by you (that worries me, Lord)
might be slow to let the Hebrew children go.
You turned back the waters of the Red Sea
and your Chosen People went through on dry land
and the Egyptians were drowned, men with wives and children,
young men with mothers and fathers (your ways are not our ways)
and there was much rejoicing at all this death,
and the angels laughed and sang, and you stopped them, saying,
"How can you sing when my children are drowning?"
When your people reach Mount Sinai you warned Moses
not to let any of them near you lest you break forth
on them with death in your hand.
You are Love, and you command us to love,
and yet you yourself turn men's hearts to evil,
and you wipe out nations with one sweep of the hand -
the Amorites and the Hittites and the Peruzzites -
gone, all gone. It seems that any means will do, and yet -
all these things are but stories told about you by fallen man,
part of the story (for your ways are not our ways)
but not the whole story. You are our author,
and we try to listen to what you say,
but we suffer from faulty hearing and loss of language
and we get the words wrong.
Listen: you came to us as one of us
and lived with us and died for us and descended into hell for us
and burst out into life for us:
Do you now hold Pharaoh in your arms?
-Madeleine L'Engle, A Cry Like a Bell
Sunday, November 14, 2010
I love my church. :)
I don't think I understood until I found the Early Church in Harrisonburg what it meant to love the church. I'm not saying that I don't love my church in PA. I do. And I feel like that church is home, family, love... lots of good things. But I never felt this consuming sense of rightness from my other church, the way that sometimes when I leave church here I feel like my soul is just saying Yes.
It is so hard to explain. The joy spilling out of that place; the crazy, crazy people there. Today I went to church wearing polkadot socks in my Tivas...and it just didn't matter. I probably looked homeless, a ratty sweatshirt and my sandals and socks, my wind-rumpled hair.
There are these guys at the Early Church that for some reason remind me of pictures of Che Guevara (I am so not looking for an argument for/against various economic policies, by the way). And here is where I have seen more men with longish hair than anywhere else in my life.
The cat that lives in the building. The paper crane mobile reflecting the glory of God...
Ron talking about his flaws; praying that we won't miss the miracles God is working among us. That we won't take it lightly when someone gets sober; when someone is reunited with their kids; when people turn to Jesus.
Singing from the hymnals - practicing alto lines in a congregation where no-one sings perfectly. Singing songs people in the church have written. Singing contemporary songs. Acapella; hand drums; piano; guitar... and seeing it all as valid. Its all beautiful.
There is this song that we've sung a few times since I've been going to the Early Church - it is called "All the Way Home" and it is by this group called "Entering the Worship Circle." I found the song in a youtube video that I'm attatching below.
My favorite lines from this song are
"All the way
All the way home I'm dreaming
All the way
All the way home I run
All the way
All the way home I'm laughing
All the way
All the way home here I come"
I think it really speaks to the lived theology of the Early Church. That people can get all the way home; that the journey is joyous.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZyqfwfWecE
p.s. Also. I love the lines "you have done great things for your people/you have done great things for us" because the congregation really sings them. Its so awesome. You can tell that everyone knows those lines are coming up, and the intensity is building up to them. And then we reach it and people are just shouting them. You have done great things for your people! You have done great things for us!
And it is so especially beautiful because some of the people singing those words don't have lives where you would expect them to be so enthusiastically shouting ... it reminds me of the story behind Jars of Clay's song "Jesus' blood hasn't failed me yet." That song originated with a homeless man singing over and over
Jesus' blood hasn't failed me yet; this one thing I know, that He loves me so.
It is so hard to explain. The joy spilling out of that place; the crazy, crazy people there. Today I went to church wearing polkadot socks in my Tivas...and it just didn't matter. I probably looked homeless, a ratty sweatshirt and my sandals and socks, my wind-rumpled hair.
There are these guys at the Early Church that for some reason remind me of pictures of Che Guevara (I am so not looking for an argument for/against various economic policies, by the way). And here is where I have seen more men with longish hair than anywhere else in my life.
The cat that lives in the building. The paper crane mobile reflecting the glory of God...
Ron talking about his flaws; praying that we won't miss the miracles God is working among us. That we won't take it lightly when someone gets sober; when someone is reunited with their kids; when people turn to Jesus.
Singing from the hymnals - practicing alto lines in a congregation where no-one sings perfectly. Singing songs people in the church have written. Singing contemporary songs. Acapella; hand drums; piano; guitar... and seeing it all as valid. Its all beautiful.
There is this song that we've sung a few times since I've been going to the Early Church - it is called "All the Way Home" and it is by this group called "Entering the Worship Circle." I found the song in a youtube video that I'm attatching below.
My favorite lines from this song are
"All the way
All the way home I'm dreaming
All the way
All the way home I run
All the way
All the way home I'm laughing
All the way
All the way home here I come"
I think it really speaks to the lived theology of the Early Church. That people can get all the way home; that the journey is joyous.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZyqfwfWecE
p.s. Also. I love the lines "you have done great things for your people/you have done great things for us" because the congregation really sings them. Its so awesome. You can tell that everyone knows those lines are coming up, and the intensity is building up to them. And then we reach it and people are just shouting them. You have done great things for your people! You have done great things for us!
And it is so especially beautiful because some of the people singing those words don't have lives where you would expect them to be so enthusiastically shouting ... it reminds me of the story behind Jars of Clay's song "Jesus' blood hasn't failed me yet." That song originated with a homeless man singing over and over
Jesus' blood hasn't failed me yet; this one thing I know, that He loves me so.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
i hate having to choose
between good things.
between perfect grades and sleep, sleep and talking with friends, talking with friends and writing to friends far away, writing to friends far away or writing to family, writing to family or walking through park woods, walking through park woods or cleaning my room, cleaning my room or journaling, journaling or making artwork, making artwork or blogging, blogging or thinking, thinking or finishing homework assignments...
its horrible. i want to go back to when my parents made my schedule for me.
between perfect grades and sleep, sleep and talking with friends, talking with friends and writing to friends far away, writing to friends far away or writing to family, writing to family or walking through park woods, walking through park woods or cleaning my room, cleaning my room or journaling, journaling or making artwork, making artwork or blogging, blogging or thinking, thinking or finishing homework assignments...
its horrible. i want to go back to when my parents made my schedule for me.
Monday, November 1, 2010
mmm good thoughts. yummy.
i had an explosion of new thoughts this past week!!! so exciting.
so last week was spiritual life week on campus and the theme was about crossing borders - the idea of Jesus being a divine border-crosser who, in a sense, lept giant walls of class, gender, wealth, etc, in a single bound. actually, the message of the week was not put into superman terms (although that would have been amusing), but was instead focused on immigration at the US/Mexico border. the guest speaker for the week was "Mark Adams... a Presbyterian Church USA minister who works at building relationships with people on both sides of the US-Mexico border. Mark coordinates six ministry areas of Frontera de Cristo, a Presbyterian border ministry centered in Agua Prieta, Mexico and Douglas, Ariz.: church development, health, family counseling, the New Hope Community Center, mission education, and the Just Trade Center." (this is from EMU's website)
anyway, Mark spoke about how living near the border has taught him a lot about the Incarnation. he told a story of seeing some men one year near Christmas; they were on the Mexican side of the fence and just hanging onto the fence, watching. Not trying to cross or anything. His brother was visiting him, and asked a man who was from the area why the men were hanging on to the fence. "What are they doing?"
The answer was that they were waiting for the right time.
I've wondered sometimes why Jesus came into the world in a tiny town on an arbitrary fall date to a pair of Jewish parents who had no special aspirations in the world. Why not three years earlier to Mary's older sister? Why not a thousand years later to an Aborigional Australian? Why the Jews? (cause its not like they understood who he was anymore than anyone else). why then?
and now I keep imagining Jesus hanging over the border from heaven to earth, asking his Father - is it time? Dad. Is it the right time yet? I can see them. I can see them.
and then at last he hears God say: Now. Now is the time.
Mark spoke about the incarnation as a divine border-crossing, of Jesus leaving heaven to enter a place where he was not wanted. How Herod tried to send him back to where he came from. He spoke on the Gospel of John, and how during a Bible study in the Mexican town of Agua Prieta, he heard a displaced Mexican say this:
God knows what its like to be far from home.
And on Friday in chapel we sang a song from Sing the Journey (I think) that was a prayer for God to protect us from hunger and death, for the goodness and justice of the kingdom of God to be realized on earth. Then one of the EMU pastors stood up to finish the service and said: "It is not truthful and it is not just to sing that song as if it was true just for us. We must sing it as though God is working these promises out for the least of these." As we left, the challenge was given - how can we live into the scandalous incarnation of God, the divine border-crosser? How can we, as followers of the Christ, the Savior, the man who broke barriers - how can we ourselves break down walls and cross borders?
----
next great thought is from the Early Church.
we were talking about Zacchaeus - the sermon was entitled "the dispossesing of Zacchaeus." I have a notecard full of thoughts from the morning but my favorite thought is the following:
the crowd (the mutterers) who judged Zacchaeus should have been climbing up a tree in the hopes that Jesus would call them down,
and if that didn't work they should have followed him to Zacchaeus' house,
and when they got to his house they should have banged on the door,
and if he ignored them they should have cut a hole in the roof, like the friends of the paraplegic,
and if Jesus did not acknowledge them they should have sat under his table, waiting for crumbs to fall, like the Samaritan woman,
and if they were still ignored, they could have shouted, Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me, a sinner, like the blind man,
and if the Son of God was still silent, they might have sat by his feet and wept silently, cleansing the feet of God with tears.
God feels distant, some days; far from the mortal world of humans. But Mark reminded us last week that the word became flesh and dwelled among us. He was here. In a few months I am going to walk where my Lord walked. Touch olive trees descended from trees he touched. God was here on this earth and judging from the stories of his life, he cared.
The question then becomes not why God feels distant, but where are we in pursuit of him?
Under his table? Weeping by his feet?
Or have we even left the muttering crowd to climb the tree?
so last week was spiritual life week on campus and the theme was about crossing borders - the idea of Jesus being a divine border-crosser who, in a sense, lept giant walls of class, gender, wealth, etc, in a single bound. actually, the message of the week was not put into superman terms (although that would have been amusing), but was instead focused on immigration at the US/Mexico border. the guest speaker for the week was "Mark Adams... a Presbyterian Church USA minister who works at building relationships with people on both sides of the US-Mexico border. Mark coordinates six ministry areas of Frontera de Cristo, a Presbyterian border ministry centered in Agua Prieta, Mexico and Douglas, Ariz.: church development, health, family counseling, the New Hope Community Center, mission education, and the Just Trade Center." (this is from EMU's website)
anyway, Mark spoke about how living near the border has taught him a lot about the Incarnation. he told a story of seeing some men one year near Christmas; they were on the Mexican side of the fence and just hanging onto the fence, watching. Not trying to cross or anything. His brother was visiting him, and asked a man who was from the area why the men were hanging on to the fence. "What are they doing?"
The answer was that they were waiting for the right time.
I've wondered sometimes why Jesus came into the world in a tiny town on an arbitrary fall date to a pair of Jewish parents who had no special aspirations in the world. Why not three years earlier to Mary's older sister? Why not a thousand years later to an Aborigional Australian? Why the Jews? (cause its not like they understood who he was anymore than anyone else). why then?
and now I keep imagining Jesus hanging over the border from heaven to earth, asking his Father - is it time? Dad. Is it the right time yet? I can see them. I can see them.
and then at last he hears God say: Now. Now is the time.
Mark spoke about the incarnation as a divine border-crossing, of Jesus leaving heaven to enter a place where he was not wanted. How Herod tried to send him back to where he came from. He spoke on the Gospel of John, and how during a Bible study in the Mexican town of Agua Prieta, he heard a displaced Mexican say this:
God knows what its like to be far from home.
And on Friday in chapel we sang a song from Sing the Journey (I think) that was a prayer for God to protect us from hunger and death, for the goodness and justice of the kingdom of God to be realized on earth. Then one of the EMU pastors stood up to finish the service and said: "It is not truthful and it is not just to sing that song as if it was true just for us. We must sing it as though God is working these promises out for the least of these." As we left, the challenge was given - how can we live into the scandalous incarnation of God, the divine border-crosser? How can we, as followers of the Christ, the Savior, the man who broke barriers - how can we ourselves break down walls and cross borders?
----
next great thought is from the Early Church.
we were talking about Zacchaeus - the sermon was entitled "the dispossesing of Zacchaeus." I have a notecard full of thoughts from the morning but my favorite thought is the following:
the crowd (the mutterers) who judged Zacchaeus should have been climbing up a tree in the hopes that Jesus would call them down,
and if that didn't work they should have followed him to Zacchaeus' house,
and when they got to his house they should have banged on the door,
and if he ignored them they should have cut a hole in the roof, like the friends of the paraplegic,
and if Jesus did not acknowledge them they should have sat under his table, waiting for crumbs to fall, like the Samaritan woman,
and if they were still ignored, they could have shouted, Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me, a sinner, like the blind man,
and if the Son of God was still silent, they might have sat by his feet and wept silently, cleansing the feet of God with tears.
God feels distant, some days; far from the mortal world of humans. But Mark reminded us last week that the word became flesh and dwelled among us. He was here. In a few months I am going to walk where my Lord walked. Touch olive trees descended from trees he touched. God was here on this earth and judging from the stories of his life, he cared.
The question then becomes not why God feels distant, but where are we in pursuit of him?
Under his table? Weeping by his feet?
Or have we even left the muttering crowd to climb the tree?
Monday, October 25, 2010
good weekend
so this weekend gave me some blogging material -
horseback riding with rinn, thia, and meg
enough sleep for once
and about 7 hours of studying today for my physics exam tomorrow.
awesome!
pictures of the horsies to come.
horseback riding with rinn, thia, and meg
enough sleep for once
and about 7 hours of studying today for my physics exam tomorrow.
awesome!
pictures of the horsies to come.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
post-fall break
so i've been told its time and past time for me to have another blog post...
the problem is i don't think i have anything interesting to say. except a.) i'm sick of physics and i still have 1.5 semesters of it to go and b.) i wish that my break had been longer.
hmm... i guess one interesting thing is that i'm going horseback riding with rinn this weekend. but that hasn't happened yet, so it's not like i can write about it.
my brother's soccer team is going into the playoffs...they beat reading 6-0 (7-0?) when i was home and i decided not to work on my cell biology paper to go to the game. i paid for that tuesday night when i worked on it in the morning, on the 4 hour ride to EMU, in the evening, and until about 2:30 in the morning, finishing up between Honors and Physics Wednesday. but i think the paper was decent. it was like 11 pages long and i feel like i understood the various articles i read, so that's good.
actually, that paper is probably one of the most interesting things i've done in the last while. i had to research the basic question of how neurons make connections, and along the way there were other questions to answer. it involves the tips of neurons (growth cones) that grow towards or away from various "chemoattractants" or chemical guidance molecules in the body. the cytoskeleton of the neuron changes in some pretty interesting ways in order to "steer" the growth cone. i could go on and on - 11 pages worth of information, yeah? probably more than anyone wants to hear, haha.
anyway, i was pretty impressed that i ended up writing so much all in the span of a day and a half.
the problem is i don't think i have anything interesting to say. except a.) i'm sick of physics and i still have 1.5 semesters of it to go and b.) i wish that my break had been longer.
hmm... i guess one interesting thing is that i'm going horseback riding with rinn this weekend. but that hasn't happened yet, so it's not like i can write about it.
my brother's soccer team is going into the playoffs...they beat reading 6-0 (7-0?) when i was home and i decided not to work on my cell biology paper to go to the game. i paid for that tuesday night when i worked on it in the morning, on the 4 hour ride to EMU, in the evening, and until about 2:30 in the morning, finishing up between Honors and Physics Wednesday. but i think the paper was decent. it was like 11 pages long and i feel like i understood the various articles i read, so that's good.
actually, that paper is probably one of the most interesting things i've done in the last while. i had to research the basic question of how neurons make connections, and along the way there were other questions to answer. it involves the tips of neurons (growth cones) that grow towards or away from various "chemoattractants" or chemical guidance molecules in the body. the cytoskeleton of the neuron changes in some pretty interesting ways in order to "steer" the growth cone. i could go on and on - 11 pages worth of information, yeah? probably more than anyone wants to hear, haha.
anyway, i was pretty impressed that i ended up writing so much all in the span of a day and a half.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Relief Sale
I went to the relief sale in Harrisonburg today and guess who I saw? Helen and Wilber, my great-aunt and uncle. Today I was musing on the idea of connectedness, rootedness ... what it means in my life to be part of the Mennonite community.
I also got a baked potato for lunch, half a homemade donut, shared some black cherry icecream, and drank a cup of locally made apple cider. It pretty much redeemed my week - and reminded me of how much I love autumn in the Shenandoah Valley.
I also got a baked potato for lunch, half a homemade donut, shared some black cherry icecream, and drank a cup of locally made apple cider. It pretty much redeemed my week - and reminded me of how much I love autumn in the Shenandoah Valley.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
rainy days ~
oh, what a day. 7 hours in the analytical chem lab and rain outside.
and i broke a mercury thermometer.
and now i have to dress up to go to the writer's read tonight...
blech.
and i broke a mercury thermometer.
and now i have to dress up to go to the writer's read tonight...
blech.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
2 poems
here are two poems
the first I wrote for 80 works:
A Fall Reflection on Ash Wednesday
the grasses are dry
as are the leaves of trees,
the air, the sky, the soul.
the whole earth is thirsty
and moving towards an ending.
there is a quiet taste of blood, warm
and red like aged wine; of cruel wind,
the fury of winter storms.
crickets sing on these
september days and the sound is
a sour-sweet lament, a remembrance
of abundance before emptiness.
the wakeful knowledge of death
is a hard weight to carry, and untidy,
causing multitudes of grasses to throw
their progeny to the wind,
at the mercy of exposure, drought,
the ploughman. what martyrdom causes
these dully realized deaths – and is it
strange they are seen reverently –
oh lord in this hour of weakness
teach me. hold up a mirror,
remind me of mortality
and ashes on bald foreheads;
these living breathing speaking
bags of dirt. amen. show me the knifewound
of my frailty; the grass is dying.
i am dry, some candled flame blown out.
the second is a poem from a turkish poet named Nazim Hikmet. He served 13 years as a political prisoner in turkey and spent the last 13 years of his life in exile.
disclaimer: I didn't find this on my own; Meg read it to me one day when we were sitting on the grass outside.
disclaimer 2: The formatting isn't exactly right - not all the lines start up against the left margin in the real poem but I can't get it right on my blog. In any case, it's still beautiful.
Living is no laughing matter:
you must live with great seriousness
like a squirrel, for example -
I mean, without looking for something beyond and above living.
I mean living must be your whole life.
Living is no laughing matter:
you must take it so seriously,
so much so and to such a degree
that, for example, your hands tied behind your back,
your back to the wall,
or else in a labroatory
in your white coat and safety glasses,
you can die for people -
even for people whose faces you've never seen,
even though you know living
is the most real, the most beautiful thing.
I mean, you must take living so seriously
that even at seventy, for example, you'll plant olive trees -
and not for your children, either,
but because although you fear death you don't believe it,
because living, I mean, weighs heavier.
Lets say we're seriously ill, need surgery -
which is to say we might not get up
from the white table.
Even though it's impossible not to feel sad
about going a little too soon,
we'll still laugh at the jokes being told,
we'll look out the window to see if it's raining,
or still wait anxiously
for the latest newscast...
Let's say we're at the front -
for something worth fighting for, say.
There, in the first offensive, on that very day,
we might fall on our face, dead.
We'll know this with a curious anger,
but we'll still worry ourselves to death
about the outcome of the war, which could last years.
Let's say we're in prison
and close to fifty,
and we have eighteen more years, say,
before the iron doors will open.
We'll still live with the outside,
with its people and animals, struggle and wind -
I mean with the outside beyond the walls.
I mean, however and wherever we are,
we must live as if we will never die.
This earth will grow cold,
a star among stars
and one of the smallest,
a gilded mote on blue velvet -
I mean this, our great earth.
This earth will grow cold one day,
not like a block of ice
or a dead cloud even
but like an empty walnut it will roll along
in pitch-black space ...
You must grieve for this right now
- you have to feel this sorrow now -
for the world must be loved this much
if you're going to say "I lived" ...
the first I wrote for 80 works:
A Fall Reflection on Ash Wednesday
the grasses are dry
as are the leaves of trees,
the air, the sky, the soul.
the whole earth is thirsty
and moving towards an ending.
there is a quiet taste of blood, warm
and red like aged wine; of cruel wind,
the fury of winter storms.
crickets sing on these
september days and the sound is
a sour-sweet lament, a remembrance
of abundance before emptiness.
the wakeful knowledge of death
is a hard weight to carry, and untidy,
causing multitudes of grasses to throw
their progeny to the wind,
at the mercy of exposure, drought,
the ploughman. what martyrdom causes
these dully realized deaths – and is it
strange they are seen reverently –
oh lord in this hour of weakness
teach me. hold up a mirror,
remind me of mortality
and ashes on bald foreheads;
these living breathing speaking
bags of dirt. amen. show me the knifewound
of my frailty; the grass is dying.
i am dry, some candled flame blown out.
the second is a poem from a turkish poet named Nazim Hikmet. He served 13 years as a political prisoner in turkey and spent the last 13 years of his life in exile.
disclaimer: I didn't find this on my own; Meg read it to me one day when we were sitting on the grass outside.
disclaimer 2: The formatting isn't exactly right - not all the lines start up against the left margin in the real poem but I can't get it right on my blog. In any case, it's still beautiful.
I
Living is no laughing matter:
you must live with great seriousness
like a squirrel, for example -
I mean, without looking for something beyond and above living.
I mean living must be your whole life.
Living is no laughing matter:
you must take it so seriously,
so much so and to such a degree
that, for example, your hands tied behind your back,
your back to the wall,
or else in a labroatory
in your white coat and safety glasses,
you can die for people -
even for people whose faces you've never seen,
even though you know living
is the most real, the most beautiful thing.
I mean, you must take living so seriously
that even at seventy, for example, you'll plant olive trees -
and not for your children, either,
but because although you fear death you don't believe it,
because living, I mean, weighs heavier.
II
Lets say we're seriously ill, need surgery -
which is to say we might not get up
from the white table.
Even though it's impossible not to feel sad
about going a little too soon,
we'll still laugh at the jokes being told,
we'll look out the window to see if it's raining,
or still wait anxiously
for the latest newscast...
Let's say we're at the front -
for something worth fighting for, say.
There, in the first offensive, on that very day,
we might fall on our face, dead.
We'll know this with a curious anger,
but we'll still worry ourselves to death
about the outcome of the war, which could last years.
Let's say we're in prison
and close to fifty,
and we have eighteen more years, say,
before the iron doors will open.
We'll still live with the outside,
with its people and animals, struggle and wind -
I mean with the outside beyond the walls.
I mean, however and wherever we are,
we must live as if we will never die.
III
This earth will grow cold,
a star among stars
and one of the smallest,
a gilded mote on blue velvet -
I mean this, our great earth.
This earth will grow cold one day,
not like a block of ice
or a dead cloud even
but like an empty walnut it will roll along
in pitch-black space ...
You must grieve for this right now
- you have to feel this sorrow now -
for the world must be loved this much
if you're going to say "I lived" ...
February 1948
Monday, September 20, 2010
and a word list
here is a list of some words that i've found interesting - some are words that i didn't know at all and have had to look up, and others are words that i don't see used often and, while i either knew them from my bookwormy life or could guess meaning from context, had to look up to make sure i understood the whole definition.
all of them come from textbooks i've used either this semester or the spring semester from last year (yes, i make lists of words from textbooks. i embrace my nerdiness.)
subjugated
quixotic
intransigent
intractable
iconoclastic
seminal
mendacity
ossified
exigency
nascent
appropriated
magisterial
ecclesiasticism
salacious
tabula rasa
vicissitudes
hydrology
alacrity
koan
tautological
post hoc
quintessence
pneumatic
antiphonal
epiphytic
reticulate
metaphysical
ontologically
prolegomena
paucity
melioristic
gravimetric
adsorption
invagination
endosymbiont
oncogenes
autophagy
endocytosis
caspases
prototroph
auxotroph
sarcoma
cyclins
trillium
undulant
beautiful, aren't they?
makes me want to go read a dictionary.
all of them come from textbooks i've used either this semester or the spring semester from last year (yes, i make lists of words from textbooks. i embrace my nerdiness.)
subjugated
quixotic
intransigent
intractable
iconoclastic
seminal
mendacity
ossified
exigency
nascent
appropriated
magisterial
ecclesiasticism
salacious
tabula rasa
vicissitudes
hydrology
alacrity
koan
tautological
post hoc
quintessence
pneumatic
antiphonal
epiphytic
reticulate
metaphysical
ontologically
prolegomena
paucity
melioristic
gravimetric
adsorption
invagination
endosymbiont
oncogenes
autophagy
endocytosis
caspases
prototroph
auxotroph
sarcoma
cyclins
trillium
undulant
beautiful, aren't they?
makes me want to go read a dictionary.
lessons from the first 3 weeks
so far this semester i have learned that i am limited.
this may seem like an obvious truth but it is not one that i have really, honestly run up against until now. this semester i have University Physics 1, Advanced Cell Biology, Analytical Chemistry, 80 works, and Honors. its a lot of work, and lots of new thoughts - i now have, for the first time, 5 classes that i can't skip, 5 textbooks that i have to read and take notes from, 5 courses to juggle and not let *any* drop. until now i have always been able to slide my through at least one class because i knew most of the information already.
no more!
its the third week and after tomorrow afternoon i will already have utilized professors' office hours 3 times, which is about how many times i took advantage of that in the whole of last year.
it is sort of startling to realize i need help too. hah. i guess i'll be getting used to it, now -
this may seem like an obvious truth but it is not one that i have really, honestly run up against until now. this semester i have University Physics 1, Advanced Cell Biology, Analytical Chemistry, 80 works, and Honors. its a lot of work, and lots of new thoughts - i now have, for the first time, 5 classes that i can't skip, 5 textbooks that i have to read and take notes from, 5 courses to juggle and not let *any* drop. until now i have always been able to slide my through at least one class because i knew most of the information already.
no more!
its the third week and after tomorrow afternoon i will already have utilized professors' office hours 3 times, which is about how many times i took advantage of that in the whole of last year.
it is sort of startling to realize i need help too. hah. i guess i'll be getting used to it, now -
Sunday, September 19, 2010
what we do at college
so its past midnight on a saturday and i just got skyped by people from camp. i left my room to talk to them and when i got back i started to notice some strange things around the room...
basically thia is the BEST ROOMMATE EVER. :D
and lastly: 
basically thia is the BEST ROOMMATE EVER. :D
my personal favorite:
and lastly:
I'm lacking the force to do any work.
yeah.
Monday, September 13, 2010
slow start
so i've had a bit of a slow start to my blog this school year...
its not for lack of trying; more like lack of energy. every time i remember my blog i just can't even fathom getting up enough energy to try to write something in it. and my stupid perfectionist side won't let me write just a little, no, i always feel like i have to make some epic post with a profound thought or a great quote or a snippet of a poem or the summary of my last week (or month, depending on how long its been). sort of self-defeating, because the longer i wait to write, the harder it feels to actually start a post.
all that to say, here is a baby-step in which i am letting you all know that
a.) this school year is awesome
b.) but its super busy
c.) i'm learning lots of stuff
d.) its good to see my friends again
e.) i love the early church! :)
its not for lack of trying; more like lack of energy. every time i remember my blog i just can't even fathom getting up enough energy to try to write something in it. and my stupid perfectionist side won't let me write just a little, no, i always feel like i have to make some epic post with a profound thought or a great quote or a snippet of a poem or the summary of my last week (or month, depending on how long its been). sort of self-defeating, because the longer i wait to write, the harder it feels to actually start a post.
all that to say, here is a baby-step in which i am letting you all know that
a.) this school year is awesome
b.) but its super busy
c.) i'm learning lots of stuff
d.) its good to see my friends again
e.) i love the early church! :)
Sunday, September 5, 2010
example of poetry from 80 Works
this is a lipogram that i wrote on thursday
a lipogram is a poem that can use no "e."
abundant living is all I want.
full with
knowing many humans,
manifold failings,
abounding in faith.
a myriad of thoughts
a thousand births
sharp pinpricks
God to talk with,
child to mama.
journals brim-full with sprawling ink
swarming flying fish, and
unnatural ways of growing in this world
I want motion. a vivacious
spirit, full of turmoil.
dynamic, vigorous, and
truly conscious.
living past limits.
in margins, in doorways
liminal, luminous
past functionality
I want to finish this
day hour infinity
far from normal.
a lipogram is a poem that can use no "e."
abundant living is all I want.
full with
knowing many humans,
manifold failings,
abounding in faith.
a myriad of thoughts
a thousand births
sharp pinpricks
God to talk with,
child to mama.
journals brim-full with sprawling ink
swarming flying fish, and
unnatural ways of growing in this world
I want motion. a vivacious
spirit, full of turmoil.
dynamic, vigorous, and
truly conscious.
living past limits.
in margins, in doorways
liminal, luminous
past functionality
I want to finish this
day hour infinity
far from normal.
Friday, September 3, 2010
dreaming of ice
i'm getting excited about the semester, but it has been hard to get too excited - too much of anything, really. the reason is that it's been sooo hot! i feel like a slug, a sloth, a ... well, you get the picture. i have no energy. and i feel like i can't even sleep. its almost like a never ending fever. i don't even think camp was this bad. blech.
but in the interests of filling in my readers at home, i will go over a little of what has happened this last week.
Honors Colloquium: "Is this natural? Place, fit, and balance."
talking about invasive species; invasive cultures; what is natural? what do we mean by unnatural; what is synthetic vs natural in chemisty?
its going to be super cool, i think, for many reasons. not least of which is the fact that it is taught by one of my favorite professors, matt siderhurst. (he's the chemistry prof i talked about who has dreds and does research on invasive insects in hawaii).
Physics
blech. blech. i need to review calculus - i should have taken physics last year when calc was fresh in my mind.
i am going to love this! new thoughts, new ideas. again, a class that needs lots of internal drive. learning how analytical chemists think, learning how to solve problems; yeah, learning how to think. mmm.
Poetry
Yay! so awesome. the alternate name for the class is "80 works," as in I need to write 80 works of poetry by the time the class is over. and these are not lame kiddy works, but sonnets, anglo-saxon alliterative verse, lipograms, and other specific types of poetry. the teacher for this class is SO good. she is snarky and sarcastic and has such a strong voice in the things she writes. i am going to learn how to write better, to have more control over my writing, to learn how to condense my language and use specific, lovely, luminious words.
finally, i will write about my first weekend here.
it is cooler than it was during the week. there is a breeze outside and the sky is beautiful and blue. today i wanted to go to the early church, but my bike is messed up and i didn't realize until 10 minutes before church started. so instead of biking to church thia and i walked behind the science center and met meg and sat under a willow tree. we prayed and read the bible and wrote a psalm and loved God and i decided that i am very glad to be among friends who long to know God and to be still in the deathless truth of his presence.
but in the interests of filling in my readers at home, i will go over a little of what has happened this last week.
Honors Colloquium: "Is this natural? Place, fit, and balance."
talking about invasive species; invasive cultures; what is natural? what do we mean by unnatural; what is synthetic vs natural in chemisty?
its going to be super cool, i think, for many reasons. not least of which is the fact that it is taught by one of my favorite professors, matt siderhurst. (he's the chemistry prof i talked about who has dreds and does research on invasive insects in hawaii).
Physics
blech. blech. i need to review calculus - i should have taken physics last year when calc was fresh in my mind.
Advanced Cell Biology
scariest class - tiny and in-depth and hard and self-directed and ... eeee.
i am going to love this! new thoughts, new ideas. again, a class that needs lots of internal drive. learning how analytical chemists think, learning how to solve problems; yeah, learning how to think. mmm.
Poetry
Yay! so awesome. the alternate name for the class is "80 works," as in I need to write 80 works of poetry by the time the class is over. and these are not lame kiddy works, but sonnets, anglo-saxon alliterative verse, lipograms, and other specific types of poetry. the teacher for this class is SO good. she is snarky and sarcastic and has such a strong voice in the things she writes. i am going to learn how to write better, to have more control over my writing, to learn how to condense my language and use specific, lovely, luminious words.
finally, i will write about my first weekend here.
it is cooler than it was during the week. there is a breeze outside and the sky is beautiful and blue. today i wanted to go to the early church, but my bike is messed up and i didn't realize until 10 minutes before church started. so instead of biking to church thia and i walked behind the science center and met meg and sat under a willow tree. we prayed and read the bible and wrote a psalm and loved God and i decided that i am very glad to be among friends who long to know God and to be still in the deathless truth of his presence.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
first day of classes
i am very scared of this semester.
i had my advanced cell biology lab this morning and - i'm very scared. i tested out of molecules, genes and cells and so the last time i had any of this information was in high school. this class is an experiment that hasn't been done before. there are 7 or 8 people in the class and on mondays and wednesdays we are learning about - whatever we want to learn about, discussing problems, learning really in depth about applications of cell biology. on tuesdays we have lab where after the first 3 weeks we are designing an experiment to carry to completion by the end of the course.
the grading breaks down like this:
problems: 6 (3 oral and 3 written) x 100 points
quizzes: 5 X 20 points
Lab
-participation 100 points
-proposal 100 points
-presentation 100 points
problems make up the majority of the class. this is our first problem:
Do viruses cause cancer? if so, how? on the way to answering this main question, answer at least five of the following:
*list five types of cancer that have demonstrated relationships with viral infections
*can the common cold give you cancer?
*is cancer contagious?
*why do some viruses lead to cancer, but not all?
*do all viruses that lead to cancer formation do it in the same way?
*why do some infections with the Epstein-Bar virus lead to cancer, but many don't?
*Give a clear and detailed cell biological mechanism for how a particular type of virus can lead to a particular cancer
*Compare the mechanism of oncogenesis by Epstein-Barr virus vs. human papillomvirus
so then we get a list of "suggested readings" and the advice to do more research outside of class, and we write a report or give an oral presentation, and get graded. yeehaa!
today we were just going over basic cell structures and two of the people in my group are - super scary smart seniors that I recognize from last year. one of them did research with one of the chemistry professors and one worked at a cell biology lab this past summer. they know soooo much and i felt very out of my depth, comfort zone, whatever you want to call it.
i know that this class will be very good for me - it is an awesome chance to develop lab skills, problem-solving skills, independent research skills as a sophomore. and it is good to get this information that i missed in molecules genes and cells. but: i'm a little nervous. ;)
i had my advanced cell biology lab this morning and - i'm very scared. i tested out of molecules, genes and cells and so the last time i had any of this information was in high school. this class is an experiment that hasn't been done before. there are 7 or 8 people in the class and on mondays and wednesdays we are learning about - whatever we want to learn about, discussing problems, learning really in depth about applications of cell biology. on tuesdays we have lab where after the first 3 weeks we are designing an experiment to carry to completion by the end of the course.
the grading breaks down like this:
problems: 6 (3 oral and 3 written) x 100 points
quizzes: 5 X 20 points
Lab
-participation 100 points
-proposal 100 points
-presentation 100 points
problems make up the majority of the class. this is our first problem:
Do viruses cause cancer? if so, how? on the way to answering this main question, answer at least five of the following:
*list five types of cancer that have demonstrated relationships with viral infections
*can the common cold give you cancer?
*is cancer contagious?
*why do some viruses lead to cancer, but not all?
*do all viruses that lead to cancer formation do it in the same way?
*why do some infections with the Epstein-Bar virus lead to cancer, but many don't?
*Give a clear and detailed cell biological mechanism for how a particular type of virus can lead to a particular cancer
*Compare the mechanism of oncogenesis by Epstein-Barr virus vs. human papillomvirus
so then we get a list of "suggested readings" and the advice to do more research outside of class, and we write a report or give an oral presentation, and get graded. yeehaa!
today we were just going over basic cell structures and two of the people in my group are - super scary smart seniors that I recognize from last year. one of them did research with one of the chemistry professors and one worked at a cell biology lab this past summer. they know soooo much and i felt very out of my depth, comfort zone, whatever you want to call it.
i know that this class will be very good for me - it is an awesome chance to develop lab skills, problem-solving skills, independent research skills as a sophomore. and it is good to get this information that i missed in molecules genes and cells. but: i'm a little nervous. ;)
Saturday, August 28, 2010
last night at home
i failed at my blog this summer! i'll have to fix that this fall. ;)
i can't believe it is the last night already. i'm heading down to harrisonburg tomorrow morning. this summer was unbelievable. hopefully my fall will continue to be life-changing, beautiful, full of life and art and God.
AHHHH SCHOOL IS SOOOOOOOOON! :D
i can't believe it is the last night already. i'm heading down to harrisonburg tomorrow morning. this summer was unbelievable. hopefully my fall will continue to be life-changing, beautiful, full of life and art and God.
AHHHH SCHOOL IS SOOOOOOOOON! :D
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
so i wrote this when i was back in lancaster...
here i am again, back in strasburg. i'm trying to figure out how i can summarize up my summer to fit in one managable blog post and the truth is i don't think i can. i have no idea how to make the hugeness, the busyness, the real -ness of this summer shine through these few paragraphs.
i really can't even think of a place to begin. with the beginning and my adventure training where i hiked 10 miles and learned to belay on a rock wall? or with my first camp - Shalom, a camp for adults with mental disabilities. maybe i should start with what is freshest in my mind, my last week where i had a high-school aged cabin camp. should i begin with talking about the trivial things or the moments and people that actually changed my heart? there is just so much.
maybe i will pick a few highlights and just describe them to death and leave it at that.
...
shalom.
my first week of camp after orientation. the best way to describe it is to say that during this week, i learned what love looks like. i started the week focused on the idea of disabilities: how the three women i was responsible for needed help getting dressed. wouldn't brush their teeth unless i told them (and watched, sometimes). they needed help with sunscreen. one needed help with her walker. the first two days i was so overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and afraid. and then love happened. i saw how all of the campers loved each other. they loved without reservations, without fear. they had no self-consciousness. they prayed for each other, laughed with each other, and saw each other as equals. if i started the week focused on disabilities, i ended on a different note. i could simply say that my campers were beautiful people, that they were loved, and leave it at that.
memorable campers
i had one little girl during my second week as a counselor who completely captured my heart. she was such a little thing; seven years old and so tiny. her backpack looked like it was literally half her size. she asked my questions during the week: miss emily, if God created the world, who created God? miss emily, how can Jesus fit in your heart? cause your heart is only *this* big, you know. and i don't understand what the trinity means. miss emily, how can you be sure that we are right? about the Bible and stuff. cause we could be wrong. and then one night after there had been what basically amounted to an alter call that evolved into some time of prayer during vespers, she told me that she felt happy sad. i feel sort of strange inside. like - shivery. and i knew God was doing miraculous things; becoming real in the heart of one of his children.
i really can't even think of a place to begin. with the beginning and my adventure training where i hiked 10 miles and learned to belay on a rock wall? or with my first camp - Shalom, a camp for adults with mental disabilities. maybe i should start with what is freshest in my mind, my last week where i had a high-school aged cabin camp. should i begin with talking about the trivial things or the moments and people that actually changed my heart? there is just so much.
maybe i will pick a few highlights and just describe them to death and leave it at that.
...
shalom.
my first week of camp after orientation. the best way to describe it is to say that during this week, i learned what love looks like. i started the week focused on the idea of disabilities: how the three women i was responsible for needed help getting dressed. wouldn't brush their teeth unless i told them (and watched, sometimes). they needed help with sunscreen. one needed help with her walker. the first two days i was so overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and afraid. and then love happened. i saw how all of the campers loved each other. they loved without reservations, without fear. they had no self-consciousness. they prayed for each other, laughed with each other, and saw each other as equals. if i started the week focused on disabilities, i ended on a different note. i could simply say that my campers were beautiful people, that they were loved, and leave it at that.
memorable campers
i had one little girl during my second week as a counselor who completely captured my heart. she was such a little thing; seven years old and so tiny. her backpack looked like it was literally half her size. she asked my questions during the week: miss emily, if God created the world, who created God? miss emily, how can Jesus fit in your heart? cause your heart is only *this* big, you know. and i don't understand what the trinity means. miss emily, how can you be sure that we are right? about the Bible and stuff. cause we could be wrong. and then one night after there had been what basically amounted to an alter call that evolved into some time of prayer during vespers, she told me that she felt happy sad. i feel sort of strange inside. like - shivery. and i knew God was doing miraculous things; becoming real in the heart of one of his children.
then there was one of my campers who gave me problems all week - attitude, being extra rambunctious to get attention, ignoring me when i gave directions - and i found out on the thursday before she left that her step-dad had just gotten home after a year and a half in the army (i think she said he was deployed in afghanistan, not sure). and she wrote a little note to me that said i was the best counselor she ever had. [on a side note: never grow weary in doing good - for you never know who is watching.]
i had one camper whose life story just broke my heart. tragic stuff happened (is still happening, probably). she came and did not believe that God was good. i think she barely believed that a god could be real at all. she said that she didn't even want to try to be a christian, because all the summer staff were already perfect (news to me!) and it wasn't worth trying cause she wasn't. and so i wrote her a letter and she wrote back and said she was coming back to camp later in the summer. she came, and God met her, or she met God, or something. and on the friday that she was going to leave she said that 'now i'm a christian' and she could see little ways God had moved in her life. and i think she is learning, beginning to see that God is good.
horse camps
it was strange being on the other side of a camp. being in charge, knowing the schedule, planning fun things during free time and leading cabin devos. i got to ride horses! and share in the excitement of the kids that came who wanted to know more about horsemanship. ...it was pretty awesome.
discos
discoverers was the BEST WEEK OF THE SUMMER. my second to last week - middle school aged kids. i don't think it is possible for me to overstate how awesome this week was. for one thing, it was SO much fun. we had this lip-syncing contest where each cabin had a song and had an hour and a half to learn it and choreograph a dance to it and then performed it in front of all the other cabins. (there were 10 cabins, so it took a while). they all got so into it. and then there was the shaving cream battle and the slippy slide; trail rides; hiking; lake games; a raft challenge; cookout; camp out... lots of fun. and the *BEST* thing of all was that these kids were so, so willing and ready to meet God. no, wait. that wasn't the best. the real best thing was that the Uncreated One, the God who saves, the God who pursues and loves and forgives and breathed stars into existence met us. we came to worship and to learn and to love and oh, man, did that get poured back into this camp exponentially. one night our vespers that were supposed to last 45 minutes took 3 hours. and the next night there were kids praying for each other, loving each other, encouraging one another to live in a new way. so. yeah, God is good.
spds. the a-team
the leadership at camp is divided into several branches, and it is all somewhat complicated so i won't get into it all here. but one of the neat things about how camp is run is that during the summer, there are several leadership positions that are just for the summer, meaning that they are filled by summer staff. as in - people my age. summer program directors are in charge of running camps, making schedules, planning the events and making sure they go smoothly, helping counselors out if there are problem children, etc. the A-team is the name for the "advance team" of camp pastors, worship director, SPDs, rec decs (aka rec directors), and other leadership positions. I LOVE THE A-TEAM. And I learned so, so much from them. I learned about leadership, about Christian discipleship, about showing grace to people who make mistakes. I learned what good leadership looks like - encouraging those under you, looking for their strengths and growing them. I think I became a better leader just by working under the A-team this summer.
songs and silly things
I learned lots of camp songs. LOTS. haha. If you want to hear some ask me next time you see me...
lauren and liz and barbara
i made new friends! that are really awesome and encouraged me all summer and - there are so many beautiful, beautiful souls in the world. i learned to keep my eyes open for new friends.
God.
I met God this summer. I did. I prayed and worshipped and read my Bible and in the midst of that God came and met me and I became something new.
It was very good.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
100th post!
i've gotten to 100 posts in just under a year. i'm sort of surprised that i actually have people reading all the stuff i've written. for all of you who read my blog - thanks!
today i am thinking about grace. -- the beginning of this week has been pretty tough for me. i am working in another family camp hosted in sylvan, and i miss cabin camps and my last family camp. this week i am living in my staff housing instead of with the campers because sylvan is full. it is very strange. i really loved my last family camp and i miss them.
:( i've had a bad attitude for the past day or two and although i've tried to hide it from everyone else, i could tell that it was affecting my service to the guests here. so - i was talking with one of the counselors tonight about how i have a bad attitude and am just having an emotional blech moment, and she asked if she could pray for me for anything. I said: yeah, um, pray that i will have joy. in God. and i meant it, you know, it was actually something i wanted - but it was the Christian cliche speak that i had sworn off for the summer. it was real but with the taste and tang of fake.
so where does grace come in? it is that i just came back from the late night pool party where one of the girls who i've barely spent any time with told me that you're one of my four favorite counselors! this awesome little girl (i think she is about 9 years old, maybe) who isn't in my age group just rescued my night. showed me that God can work despite my attitude. reminded me that i should *have* a good attitude. helped me think of things without using that ridiculous Christian-language. ... mmm. second chances.
grace. second chances. this is what the kingdom of God is like.
like awesome long conversations with family campers who bless me while i'm trying to serve them
like me admitting that i fail, failed, will fail
like a night redeemed
like - prayer at the outdoor chapel in the midst of green trees
like counselors praying for each other, like us asking ("taking initiative!")
like loving without jealousy. no possesiveness, no comparisons.
like seeing people in a new way because the Uncreated One is in me and I am new I am a new creation
like finding a box of cheezits in the staff lounge with my name on them because one of my friends here heard me say two weeks ago that they are my favorite junk food :)
like writing a letter to a camper i care about and getting an email back. an honest email, one that is full out bruises and questions but ends with an i love you.
like facebookchat conversations with old friends from home that contain my new favorite line: yeah Jesus is like mmm good.
YES. yes yes yes. this is what the kingdom of God is like. mmm. mmm good. <3
edit//
P.S. Grandma - thanks for the postcard!!! :)
today i am thinking about grace. -- the beginning of this week has been pretty tough for me. i am working in another family camp hosted in sylvan, and i miss cabin camps and my last family camp. this week i am living in my staff housing instead of with the campers because sylvan is full. it is very strange. i really loved my last family camp and i miss them.
:( i've had a bad attitude for the past day or two and although i've tried to hide it from everyone else, i could tell that it was affecting my service to the guests here. so - i was talking with one of the counselors tonight about how i have a bad attitude and am just having an emotional blech moment, and she asked if she could pray for me for anything. I said: yeah, um, pray that i will have joy. in God. and i meant it, you know, it was actually something i wanted - but it was the Christian cliche speak that i had sworn off for the summer. it was real but with the taste and tang of fake.
so where does grace come in? it is that i just came back from the late night pool party where one of the girls who i've barely spent any time with told me that you're one of my four favorite counselors! this awesome little girl (i think she is about 9 years old, maybe) who isn't in my age group just rescued my night. showed me that God can work despite my attitude. reminded me that i should *have* a good attitude. helped me think of things without using that ridiculous Christian-language. ... mmm. second chances.
grace. second chances. this is what the kingdom of God is like.
like awesome long conversations with family campers who bless me while i'm trying to serve them
like me admitting that i fail, failed, will fail
like a night redeemed
like - prayer at the outdoor chapel in the midst of green trees
like counselors praying for each other, like us asking ("taking initiative!")
like loving without jealousy. no possesiveness, no comparisons.
like seeing people in a new way because the Uncreated One is in me and I am new I am a new creation
like finding a box of cheezits in the staff lounge with my name on them because one of my friends here heard me say two weeks ago that they are my favorite junk food :)
like writing a letter to a camper i care about and getting an email back. an honest email, one that is full out bruises and questions but ends with an i love you.
like facebookchat conversations with old friends from home that contain my new favorite line: yeah Jesus is like mmm good.
YES. yes yes yes. this is what the kingdom of God is like. mmm. mmm good. <3
edit//
P.S. Grandma - thanks for the postcard!!! :)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
at the half-way point
this summer is going really fast. its crazy - i've already been here for five and a half weeks. its been really good. i've met lots of people who i already love dearly.
i don't even know how to begin talking about the things i have experienced so far. everything is so intense, because we are all running on little sleep and have barely left the camp for over a month. and there is so much to say! my days are so full: creek-stomps, lake games, hiking, making crafts, building bottle rockets, night games where counselors get kidnapped and goons are running around, giant shaving cream battles, slippy-slides, pool parties, silly songs, making friends, planning Bible studies, staff worship on Wednesday nights, laundromat on Fridays, rock wall climbing, kettle corn made over an open fire...
and my heart is so full: prayer and worship. awesome friends on staff. being blessed by campers. meeting God at the outdoor chapel. mmm.
this is what i read today, outside under the rain-wet trees while birds sang and the wind whispered.
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: "O Lord, save me!" The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believed even when I said, "I am greatly afflicted." And in my dismay I said, "All men are liars." How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, your faithful son; you have freed me from my chains. I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the house of the Lord - in your midst, O Jerusalem. Praise the Lord. ---Psalm 116
It is really tiring to be here. I am exhausted. But my spirit is being refreshed and made new. And so I can say "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."
i don't even know how to begin talking about the things i have experienced so far. everything is so intense, because we are all running on little sleep and have barely left the camp for over a month. and there is so much to say! my days are so full: creek-stomps, lake games, hiking, making crafts, building bottle rockets, night games where counselors get kidnapped and goons are running around, giant shaving cream battles, slippy-slides, pool parties, silly songs, making friends, planning Bible studies, staff worship on Wednesday nights, laundromat on Fridays, rock wall climbing, kettle corn made over an open fire...
and my heart is so full: prayer and worship. awesome friends on staff. being blessed by campers. meeting God at the outdoor chapel. mmm.
this is what i read today, outside under the rain-wet trees while birds sang and the wind whispered.
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: "O Lord, save me!" The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believed even when I said, "I am greatly afflicted." And in my dismay I said, "All men are liars." How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, your faithful son; you have freed me from my chains. I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the house of the Lord - in your midst, O Jerusalem. Praise the Lord. ---Psalm 116
It is really tiring to be here. I am exhausted. But my spirit is being refreshed and made new. And so I can say "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."
Saturday, June 19, 2010
i love
camp hebron.
people.
God.
people who love God.
trees.
creeks.
crayfish in creeks.
sunny days.
rainy days.
nights with fireflies.
the pool.
the slides at the pool.
the laundromat.
camp songs.
life.
i love life. :)
people.
God.
people who love God.
trees.
creeks.
crayfish in creeks.
sunny days.
rainy days.
nights with fireflies.
the pool.
the slides at the pool.
the laundromat.
camp songs.
life.
i love life. :)
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
yikes!
i'm leaving for Camp Hebron in a little less than two hours. and i will be there pretty much all summer, working as a counselor. i'm excited, but nervous too... it will be good to meet some of the other summer staff tonight. :)
i don't think i will have much internet access this summer, so my blog will probably be pretty slow. if any of my readers want to write to me, my summer contact information is
Emily Harnish, summer staff
957 Camp Hebron Road
Halifax, PA 17032
you can also email me at emily.harnish@emu.edu, but i likely will not respond for several days (probably i will check email on Saturdays).
i think i will have a great time this summer; here's hoping that all of you do too.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
interlude
in·ter·lude
Pronunciation: \ˈin-tər-ˌlüd\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English enterlude, from Medieval Latin interludium, from Latin inter- + ludus play — more at ludicrous
Date: 14th century
Pronunciation: \ˈin-tər-ˌlüd\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English enterlude, from Medieval Latin interludium, from Latin inter- + ludus play — more at ludicrous
Date: 14th century
1 : a usually short simple play or dramatic entertainment
2 : an intervening or interruptive period, space, or event : interval
3 : a musical composition inserted between the parts of a longer composition, a drama, or a religious service
these weeks between coming back from colorado and working at camp are an interlude for me - definition 2. and its weird, because it means i have time. space. silence and stillness. alone.
it leaves time for seeing friends and hanging out with family - going canoeing, listening to my dad play guitar - reading, scrapbooking, sleeping. i have time to think and to write. its really nice.
one of the things i've been thinking about a lot is how i will live and speak and be this summer. what are the best ways to explain why i am christian to a bunch of kids? (especially when they range in age from ... 8 to 17?) what is the gospel? what does it mean to be saved? what language can i use? how can i avoid christian clichés? or, perhaps better yet, how can i reclaim the clichés so that they mean something to me and to others?
so here is one beginning-of-an-answer to these questions.
http://blog.sojo.net/2010/05/18/what-is-the-gospel/
let me know what you think. :) and i will post some pics from my colorado trip sometime.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
final blog post of the year!
This year was...
a really great year.
stressful. fun. new. exciting. scary. empowering. life-giving. weird. lonely. full. alive.
I did a lot. Academically, I have experienced:
a really great year.
stressful. fun. new. exciting. scary. empowering. life-giving. weird. lonely. full. alive.
I did a lot. Academically, I have experienced:
1 ten page research paper on "learning outside the classroom"
2 major lab write-ups for biology
3 labs (Concepts in Biology, Gen Chem I, Gen Chem II)
4 speeches and 4 presentations
8 chemistry exams
12 professors
28 arabic letters
30+ books
48 pages of written responses to five books in Intro to Theology
99th percentile on the American Chemical Society exam
700 math problems (approximately)
7000 pages read, give or take a few hundred
Socially, I have experienced:
1 time getting stuck in a tree
2 dumpster diving trips
3 times dying my hair
5 pancake parties
15 (or so) collage marathons
10+ late night walks
100 (give or take a few dozen) nights of drinking tea with thia and friends
and many new friends
and an infinite amount of joyful moments
I have experienced different church, different spirituality, different prayer.
I have watched more movies than I have in the rest of my life combined.
I have read, written, thought, experienced, grown.
----Tell me - what will you do with your one wild and precious life?
2 major lab write-ups for biology
3 labs (Concepts in Biology, Gen Chem I, Gen Chem II)
4 speeches and 4 presentations
8 chemistry exams
12 professors
28 arabic letters
30+ books
48 pages of written responses to five books in Intro to Theology
99th percentile on the American Chemical Society exam
700 math problems (approximately)
7000 pages read, give or take a few hundred
Socially, I have experienced:
1 time getting stuck in a tree
2 dumpster diving trips
3 times dying my hair
5 pancake parties
15 (or so) collage marathons
10+ late night walks
100 (give or take a few dozen) nights of drinking tea with thia and friends
and many new friends
and an infinite amount of joyful moments
I have experienced different church, different spirituality, different prayer.
I have watched more movies than I have in the rest of my life combined.
I have read, written, thought, experienced, grown.
----Tell me - what will you do with your one wild and precious life?
Monday, April 26, 2010
dumpster diving!!!!!!!!
reasons why i love this school:
-singing the doxology in the caf - you know, a whole table just randomly bursting into song
-redeeming food, AKA dumpster diving!
-study breaks in common grounds: free coffee! everything half off! (including the chocolate covered espresso beans...)
-bruce coming to deliver food to my dorm door...
-singing the doxology in the caf - you know, a whole table just randomly bursting into song
-redeeming food, AKA dumpster diving!
-study breaks in common grounds: free coffee! everything half off! (including the chocolate covered espresso beans...)
-bruce coming to deliver food to my dorm door...
-----EDIT-----
Thia reminded me of another totally awesome thing:
while we were dumpster diving, WE RAN INTO OTHER EMU STUDENTS. AND BARGAINED DUMPSTER FOOD WITH THEM.
I seriously adore EMU. :)
Friday, April 23, 2010
Trent Wagler and the Steel Wheels
I discovered some beautiful new music tonight. This weekend is EMU's springfest and tonight there were bands playing. The last band was Trent Wagler and the Steel Wheels. I had heard about this band before - they play at EMU relatively often, and several of their members graduated from EMU. I had never heard them before tonight...and now I am a dedicated fan.
I told one of my friends that probably one of the best things about going to a school south of the Mason-Dixon line is the music. I will let you decide for yourself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olQCcrn-Zjw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFkNzWZcME8&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgRTTlYpZOE&feature=related
I went back to my room after they finished their concert and went straight to google to see if they had youtube videos. They played all of these songs (among many others) and I couldn't decide my favorite so I put up the links for all of them. You should *REALLY* listen to at least one video. Just imagine sitting on the steps below the plaza outside the Campus Center - probably 200 college students sitting outside in the dark, listening to bluegrass/folk/blues music. People clapping, talking, enjoying the last Friday of the school year before finals and graduation. Oh, what a beautiful night.
I told one of my friends that probably one of the best things about going to a school south of the Mason-Dixon line is the music. I will let you decide for yourself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olQCcrn-Zjw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFkNzWZcME8&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgRTTlYpZOE&feature=related
I went back to my room after they finished their concert and went straight to google to see if they had youtube videos. They played all of these songs (among many others) and I couldn't decide my favorite so I put up the links for all of them. You should *REALLY* listen to at least one video. Just imagine sitting on the steps below the plaza outside the Campus Center - probably 200 college students sitting outside in the dark, listening to bluegrass/folk/blues music. People clapping, talking, enjoying the last Friday of the school year before finals and graduation. Oh, what a beautiful night.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
growing. green. grace.
i am happy tonight because i read on discipleship hill. and then went to sit in the silent seminary building to write (journal). silence is very necessary - to happiness, to health, to sanity.
My life flows on in endless song
Above earth's lamentations
I hear the sweet though far-off hymn
That hails a new creation
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I'm clinging
Since love is Lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing?
Saturday, April 17, 2010
my day redeemed
today surprised me. it was nicer than i thought.
i went to the arabic dinner and it was so wonderful. we ate biryani and this super awesome salad with lemon/olive oil dressing and lettuce and cucumbers, spring onions, tomatoes, basil, mint, cilantro, and sumac. (no, not poison sumac - it is a tangy spice from syria).
while my professor made the meal, we had iraqi music playing in the background and louis taught us a turkish dance. we met his sister and just talked and hung out (in the PRESIDENT'S HOUSE). then after the meal we had iranian tea and stuffed dates that my friend tessa made.
we heard more stories from my professor's time as a translator in iraq, as well as stories about his life growing up. he sang for us, too.
it was just so wonderful. i am so so so so so excited for my cross-cultural. :)
then i came back and began a collage. this collage, unlike some of my recent creations, is hopeful. it is focused on the beauty and wonder of the world.
i am going to attatch some pictures from my beautiful, suprising, grace-filled night.
Friday, April 16, 2010
erk.
i am going to get an A on this chem lab if it is the *last* thing i do. grrrrrrrr.
then i am going to sleep.
then i am going to go to the house of the president of EMU and help my arabic professor cook a traditional Iraqi meal. ---which means i need to go shopping sometime within the next three hours to find raw almonds.
but first, i am going to hit my head against a wall.
...thunk...thunk...thunk...
14 more days...
then i am going to sleep.
then i am going to go to the house of the president of EMU and help my arabic professor cook a traditional Iraqi meal. ---which means i need to go shopping sometime within the next three hours to find raw almonds.
but first, i am going to hit my head against a wall.
...thunk...thunk...thunk...
14 more days...
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
i never thought i'd say this
...but i can't wait for this school year to be over.
i am so tired.
i'm tired of the same seven classes. the same work study. waking up for an 8AM three times a week.
i'm tired of staying up super late to finish my intro to theology papers. i'm tired of studying for *so long* and only getting a B on my stats exam.
i'm tired of feeling like i have to choose between friends, family, God, school, work, and sleep.
i'm ... tired. as in, physically tired.
i'm tired of being tired. (i should not have done so much this semester. except that every semester for the rest of my academic life is going to be just as bad, so i shouldn't complain).
i just want to be at Camp Hebron. swimming in the lake, tipping campers out of their kayaks, singing the Banana King song, hiking up Peter's Mountain. banana boats. vespers and singing and sleeping under the stars. walking up the giant hill to Breezewood, going on trail rides, singing the theme song 200 times by the end of the summer. getting sunburnt and bug-bitten. swallowing pool water. remembering the good in the world.
i sort of just want to feel like a kid again. relive a time before i knew of dreadful things and haunting questions and stories that keep you awake at night with horror. there is good in the world - i believe this. today i noticed that the leaves of redbud trees are shaped like hearts. in a world with heart-shaped leaves, morning mist, beautiful music, summer camps, gardens - there must be something good. There must be Good.
i am so tired.
i'm tired of the same seven classes. the same work study. waking up for an 8AM three times a week.
i'm tired of staying up super late to finish my intro to theology papers. i'm tired of studying for *so long* and only getting a B on my stats exam.
i'm tired of feeling like i have to choose between friends, family, God, school, work, and sleep.
i'm ... tired. as in, physically tired.
i'm tired of being tired. (i should not have done so much this semester. except that every semester for the rest of my academic life is going to be just as bad, so i shouldn't complain).
i just want to be at Camp Hebron. swimming in the lake, tipping campers out of their kayaks, singing the Banana King song, hiking up Peter's Mountain. banana boats. vespers and singing and sleeping under the stars. walking up the giant hill to Breezewood, going on trail rides, singing the theme song 200 times by the end of the summer. getting sunburnt and bug-bitten. swallowing pool water. remembering the good in the world.
i sort of just want to feel like a kid again. relive a time before i knew of dreadful things and haunting questions and stories that keep you awake at night with horror. there is good in the world - i believe this. today i noticed that the leaves of redbud trees are shaped like hearts. in a world with heart-shaped leaves, morning mist, beautiful music, summer camps, gardens - there must be something good. There must be Good.
Friday, March 26, 2010
eep.
someone please tell my why i ever thought 18 credits + work study + sitting in on a class = good idea.
i am drowning in work. x_x
i am drowning in work. x_x
Saturday, March 20, 2010
pictures are worth a thousand words...
so how many pictures would i have to put up to do this stack of books justice?
These are the books i am in the midst of reading at the present moment. For fun, not for class.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
request
i have entered a contest for a $5,000 scholarship. i had to make a video about why i think God is good. the contest runs until April 15, and the winner is based on votes. people can cast one vote a day, every day. so...vote for me! recruit your email address book to vote for me! :)
here is the link:
memelabs.com/godornot
my video is the one by wiseowl. it is under "recent videos."
come on guys!!! help me out!
here is the link:
memelabs.com/godornot
my video is the one by wiseowl. it is under "recent videos."
come on guys!!! help me out!
Monday, March 15, 2010
vulnerability
every time i go home i am reminded that there are actually people reading my blog. it is easy when i haven't been in lancaster for two months to feel like i am writing to an empty internet (this is what happens when i don't get feedback, people!) and then when i am reminded, i edit myself much more severely. its like i can only be vulnerable when i can get myself to believe that there is no one around to witness it. why are we (am i) so fearful of vulnerability? why do we (do i) try to hide thoughts and emotions and real life?
today i got to talk with a beautiful friend about my break and about life and questions we have and ... lots of things. one little piece of our conversation stuck with me and i journaled (on paper) about it.
currently musing on: PARADOX. and 'either/or' vs. 'both/and'
By this I mean:
body/spirit
understanding/confusion
spirituality/intellectualism
tradition/change
son of God/son of Man
beautiful/ugly
idealism/pragmatism
good works/grace
evangelical/Mennonite
natural/supernatural
orthodoxy/orthopraxy
scary/secure
pain/love
trust/fear
liberal/conservative
understanding/confusion
belief/pluralism
God's foreknowledge/human free will
gospel (whatever that means)/"social gospel" (whatever that means)
questions/strengthening your faith
being/becoming
creativity and creation/'there is nothing new under the sun'
tension/peace
why do we think EITHER/OR?
If we believe in a theology of enough, isn't there room for both? Enough space for both/and.
What a beautiful and ugly, scary and secure, tension-full and peaceful idea.
Space for both, and.
Yes.
A lot of life is about figuring out how to navigate tensions between two ideas that feel very polar to each other. The funny thing is, both poles are necessary to be healthy. It is really difficult to find that spot where you are receptive to both. To steal a line from one of my favorite quotes, it is "treading the narrow edge of unrelieved intellectual tension." It's hard. But - it is worth it, I think. Receptivity to both poles allows for encounter. It allows humans to encounter other people and to encounter God in places we don't plan for and don't expect. In my opinion, that is worth the struggle.
today i got to talk with a beautiful friend about my break and about life and questions we have and ... lots of things. one little piece of our conversation stuck with me and i journaled (on paper) about it.
currently musing on: PARADOX. and 'either/or' vs. 'both/and'
By this I mean:
body/spirit
understanding/confusion
spirituality/intellectualism
tradition/change
son of God/son of Man
beautiful/ugly
idealism/pragmatism
good works/grace
evangelical/Mennonite
natural/supernatural
orthodoxy/orthopraxy
scary/secure
pain/love
trust/fear
liberal/conservative
understanding/confusion
belief/pluralism
God's foreknowledge/human free will
gospel (whatever that means)/"social gospel" (whatever that means)
questions/strengthening your faith
being/becoming
creativity and creation/'there is nothing new under the sun'
tension/peace
why do we think EITHER/OR?
If we believe in a theology of enough, isn't there room for both? Enough space for both/and.
What a beautiful and ugly, scary and secure, tension-full and peaceful idea.
Space for both, and.
Yes.
A lot of life is about figuring out how to navigate tensions between two ideas that feel very polar to each other. The funny thing is, both poles are necessary to be healthy. It is really difficult to find that spot where you are receptive to both. To steal a line from one of my favorite quotes, it is "treading the narrow edge of unrelieved intellectual tension." It's hard. But - it is worth it, I think. Receptivity to both poles allows for encounter. It allows humans to encounter other people and to encounter God in places we don't plan for and don't expect. In my opinion, that is worth the struggle.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
It's good to be home.
this semester has gone so fast...and i feel like i've barely written on my blog at all. with the prompting of some family members *cough*Neil*cough* I've decided to take this time to reflect over the first half of my spring semester.
-skiing! fun fun fun. i fell alot. man, i am such a bad skier. but that weekend was a great birthday gift.
-skiing! fun fun fun. i fell alot. man, i am such a bad skier. but that weekend was a great birthday gift.
-i got to eat at taste of thai for my birthday with my grandparents and rinn.
-Chelsea came to visit me. :) it was marvelous.
-Thia made me coffeecake muffins for my birthday breakfast.
-my life is full of funny moments: pancake parties, snowfootball watching from 3rd-floor-seats, princess parties....Thia making a way-too-big hat...
-i love the mountains east of EMU. They look different every day. sometimes they are so clear and look like cardboard cutouts against the sky. other days you literally wouldn't know they were there just by looking, its that foggy.
-The philosophy class i am sitting in on is so excellent!
-I got to eat supper with my great aunt and uncle Helen and Wilbur, and with Wilbur's brother and sister-in-law. It was probably one of the best things that happened to me during the school year. Why? We talked about what our favorite childhood books are. And how they influenced us. Seriously awesome.
-I continued to add to my nest. Collaging!!!
-I saw a really sad movie (Brothers). Don't watch it unless you are prepared for the sad.
-My dad is playing guitar right now.
-Oh, oh!!!! I know the entire Arabic alphabet. And I have a song like the english ABC's:
-I really like sleeping. I think spring break is spoiling me... :P
-I am probably going to work at Camp Hebron this summer! Which is like my ultimate dream so I'm really excited. I can't imagine getting PAID to work there. Life is good.
-Derek is disappointed that I am not typing in arabic. Sadly, I don't know a lot of words yet. I will share one I do know:
جميلة - Jamila (Jameela). It means "Beautiful."
Here is a video of Snowfootball...ignore the audio. I just remembered that one time when it snowed Common Grounds (the coffee shop) sent out an email saying "make some snowmennos!" and "practice snow conflict resolution" - by which of course they meant "engage in some snowball fights!"
Sunday, February 28, 2010
I'm 19!
Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes! :)
I am still so busy...no time for writing, haha. But it is almost spring break.
I am still so busy...no time for writing, haha. But it is almost spring break.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
mmm. life.
THERE ARE INSTRUCTIONS FOR READING THIS BLOG POST. PAY ATTENTION.
If you have Bela Fleck's LIVE ART cd, you need to listen to the song Bigfoot while looking at this post. (I'm serious. It's my blog, so my rules.) If you don't have the cd, then you can copy and paste this link into your browser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzk_NTjC2l0
Sadly, it is not the complete song, but it will do. (you are missing the best part, however, not to mention like 20 other brilliant songs. you should get the cd)
Secondly, you should imagine running up a hill in canvas sneakers and blue jeans through about a foot and a half of *really cold* crusty snow. that's what i did to get these pictures - racing the curve of the earth.
Third, you should read this poem, even though it is the ... second and a half time that I've posted it on here. :)
Finally will it not be enough,
after much living, after
much love, after much dying
of those you have loved,
to sit on the porch near sundown
with your eyes simply open,
watching the wind shape the clouds
into the shapes of clouds?
Even then you will remember
the history of love, shaped
in the shapes of flesh, everchanging
as the clouds that pass, the blessed
yearning of body for body,
unending light.
You will remember, watching
the clouds, the future of love.
...you will remember, watching the clouds, the future of love.
If you have Bela Fleck's LIVE ART cd, you need to listen to the song Bigfoot while looking at this post. (I'm serious. It's my blog, so my rules.) If you don't have the cd, then you can copy and paste this link into your browser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzk_NTjC2l0
Sadly, it is not the complete song, but it will do. (you are missing the best part, however, not to mention like 20 other brilliant songs. you should get the cd)
Secondly, you should imagine running up a hill in canvas sneakers and blue jeans through about a foot and a half of *really cold* crusty snow. that's what i did to get these pictures - racing the curve of the earth.
Third, you should read this poem, even though it is the ... second and a half time that I've posted it on here. :)
Finally will it not be enough,
after much living, after
much love, after much dying
of those you have loved,
to sit on the porch near sundown
with your eyes simply open,
watching the wind shape the clouds
into the shapes of clouds?
Even then you will remember
the history of love, shaped
in the shapes of flesh, everchanging
as the clouds that pass, the blessed
yearning of body for body,
unending light.
You will remember, watching
the clouds, the future of love.
...you will remember, watching the clouds, the future of love.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
x_x
the olympics are like a drug. i can't help but watch them. this is quite detrimental to my sleeping and my homework...
so it will possibly be a bit before i write about my awesome ski weekend. :)
love,
اميلي هارنش (Emily Harnish)
so it will possibly be a bit before i write about my awesome ski weekend. :)
love,
اميلي هارنش (Emily Harnish)
Monday, February 8, 2010
philosophy
adding Conceptions of the Common Good was probably the best decision i have made here. this is a sample of my notes from today (they are unconnected and confusing...it's ok! it's like life. and my class.) -
faith is more than creed - emotions that infuse it
agony in faith: it's hard not always being right...a crucifiction
authority often leads to punishing the questioner
- because the rupture is too hard
- no solid ground *Cornel West: love
how do you articulate your No? (It is important to be able to say No -> not a relativist)
Where do we go when we do not allow ourselves that kind of No (militant)?
transcendence vs immanence (we have yet to articulate a 3rd option)
Is it possible to have theism not locked into transcendence? divine command? ...God navigating existential resentment (but there are other views as well)
...unfolding. emerging. refreshing but scary to believe that its not all figured out.
does the threat of violence need to exist behind a No? (for it to be heard?)
Are we capable of hearing a No?
*Martyrdom and self-sacrifice as a physical No
*Reading the crucifiction as a No
Resurrection is God's Yes to God's No
How long do we wait? (for resurrection)
When there is no 'Absolute Truth' where do you stand to say No?
---
Thank goodness for Wikipedia and Dictionary.com...Yesterday I was wiki-wandering and researching monism, dualism, Spinoza, kierkegaard... it is so unsettling to find out that there are ways of viewing the universe that I have never heard of. and its like the more I read the more questions I have. scary. but so great. :D so great. really.
faith is more than creed - emotions that infuse it
agony in faith: it's hard not always being right...a crucifiction
authority often leads to punishing the questioner
- because the rupture is too hard
- no solid ground *Cornel West: love
how do you articulate your No? (It is important to be able to say No -> not a relativist)
Where do we go when we do not allow ourselves that kind of No (militant)?
transcendence vs immanence (we have yet to articulate a 3rd option)
Is it possible to have theism not locked into transcendence? divine command? ...God navigating existential resentment (but there are other views as well)
...unfolding. emerging. refreshing but scary to believe that its not all figured out.
does the threat of violence need to exist behind a No? (for it to be heard?)
Are we capable of hearing a No?
*Martyrdom and self-sacrifice as a physical No
*Reading the crucifiction as a No
Resurrection is God's Yes to God's No
How long do we wait? (for resurrection)
When there is no 'Absolute Truth' where do you stand to say No?
---
Thank goodness for Wikipedia and Dictionary.com...Yesterday I was wiki-wandering and researching monism, dualism, Spinoza, kierkegaard... it is so unsettling to find out that there are ways of viewing the universe that I have never heard of. and its like the more I read the more questions I have. scary. but so great. :D so great. really.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
best day of the semester so far...
a.) I GOT A PACKAGE TODAY!!! thanks Jess, Chad, Esme and Eleni. Esme - the heart you drew for me made me so happy. :)
b.) the chance of school being cancelled for tomorrow makes me :D
c.) there is a 35% chance of 12"+ of snow. and a 90% chance of snow period.
d.) i got to hang out with a really interesting 90 year old man during my work study today.
e.) i didn't get out of bed today until 9:15. YAY for professors being out of town.
and...its the month of my birthday! so, readers: I am expecting cards.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
snow. snow. MORE SNOW.
:O so much snoooowwwwwwww. ah.
on a brighter note, i got a 92.8 on my first stats exam. :)
Monday, January 25, 2010
grace gratuitous, pennies found...
this semester has been so difficult, for a lot of reasons. but this weekend i slept until 1 pm on saturday and read a book by Donald Miller and did some homework and went to the Blue Nile; i talked with friends and gave out belated Christmas gifts; i walked in the rain, i sat in Common Grounds, i watched Good Will Hunting on my computer and got teary eyed.
i met some friends of a friend tonight in Common Grounds and was introduced to a book - and i remember something about a refusal to unwrap the mysteries of life. i'm good with that. a sense of wonder is a beautiful thing.
The wonder is...that there is beauty at all, grace gratuitous, pennies found...
Grace gratuitous. I love the idea of abundance. Of extravagance, of things extraordinary. I love thinking: Earth's crammed with heaven/And every common bush afire with God. I love thinking: This, then, is the extravagant landscape of the world, given, given with pizzazz, given in good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over. I love a life lived fully.
i met some friends of a friend tonight in Common Grounds and was introduced to a book - and i remember something about a refusal to unwrap the mysteries of life. i'm good with that. a sense of wonder is a beautiful thing.
The wonder is...that there is beauty at all, grace gratuitous, pennies found...
Grace gratuitous. I love the idea of abundance. Of extravagance, of things extraordinary. I love thinking: Earth's crammed with heaven/And every common bush afire with God. I love thinking: This, then, is the extravagant landscape of the world, given, given with pizzazz, given in good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over. I love a life lived fully.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
"The storms are raging on a rolling sea/Down the highway of regret"
It feels like spring here and i've been musing on the feeling of regret. what would it be life to live a life in a way that you would have no regrets? and - what can i do to help myself to live *deep awake*? i want to be present in all these moments that are running past me so fast. and. i want to have a ... a good way of being in the world. a way of being that is healing.
------
From Christian Early's syllabus:
A note on Mindfulness:
I am noticing that students are not giving themselves enough time to read and to think. Part of it is the busyness of everyday life. Philosophy is a slow discipline. 10 pages take 1 hour to read and sometimes 2 hours. What you get out of the reading depends on what you put in. It is ok to let your mind wander -- wanderings can be wonderful -- but you do have to take the time to follow along on the path of the author. It is well worth it. You’ll see.
------
here are the books i have read since i've been at EMU (including some books used as textbooks and exluding the textbooky textbooks:
The Chosen - Chaim Potok
No god but God - Reza Aslan
*Sophie's World - Jostein Gaarder
Strengths Based Leadership - Tom Rath and Barry Conchie
The Land - Walter Brueggeman
Animal Vegetable Miracle - Barbara Kingsolver
Jayber Crow - Wendell Berry
Genome - Matt Ridley
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek - Annie Dillard
Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell
On That Day Everyone Ate - ???
Jesus for President - Shane Claiborne
Nature out of Place - Jason & Roy Van Driesche
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
Rosie - Anne Lamott
The Bronze Bow - Elizabeth George Speare
The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint Exupery
*Jesus among other Gods - Ravi Zacharias
Democracy Matters - Cornel West
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years - Donald Miller
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
*Blood Brothers - Elias Chacour
Pluralism - William Connelly
*Beyond Gated Politics - Raymond Coles
The Elegence of the Hedgehog - ???
*Reading Now
Currently on my list:
Nickel and Dimed - Barbara Ehrenreich
The Shack - William P. Young
The Book of Images - Rainer Maria Rilke
Textbooks that I read enough of to qualify as a book:
Theology as if Jesus Mattered - Ted Grimsrud
Introduction to Christian Theology - Bradley Hanson
Invitation to Anthropology, 3rd Ed. - Eric Lassiter
Understanding Arabs - Margaret Nydell
Sabbath Economics - Ched Myers
Books I read a little bit of:
The Bhagavad-Gita
Buddhism: little pocket book
------
From Christian Early's syllabus:
A note on Mindfulness:
I am noticing that students are not giving themselves enough time to read and to think. Part of it is the busyness of everyday life. Philosophy is a slow discipline. 10 pages take 1 hour to read and sometimes 2 hours. What you get out of the reading depends on what you put in. It is ok to let your mind wander -- wanderings can be wonderful -- but you do have to take the time to follow along on the path of the author. It is well worth it. You’ll see.
------
here are the books i have read since i've been at EMU (including some books used as textbooks and exluding the textbooky textbooks:
The Chosen - Chaim Potok
No god but God - Reza Aslan
*Sophie's World - Jostein Gaarder
Strengths Based Leadership - Tom Rath and Barry Conchie
The Land - Walter Brueggeman
Animal Vegetable Miracle - Barbara Kingsolver
Jayber Crow - Wendell Berry
Genome - Matt Ridley
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek - Annie Dillard
Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell
On That Day Everyone Ate - ???
Jesus for President - Shane Claiborne
Nature out of Place - Jason & Roy Van Driesche
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
Rosie - Anne Lamott
The Bronze Bow - Elizabeth George Speare
The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint Exupery
*Jesus among other Gods - Ravi Zacharias
Democracy Matters - Cornel West
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years - Donald Miller
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
*Blood Brothers - Elias Chacour
Pluralism - William Connelly
*Beyond Gated Politics - Raymond Coles
The Elegence of the Hedgehog - ???
*Reading Now
Currently on my list:
Nickel and Dimed - Barbara Ehrenreich
The Shack - William P. Young
The Book of Images - Rainer Maria Rilke
Textbooks that I read enough of to qualify as a book:
Theology as if Jesus Mattered - Ted Grimsrud
Introduction to Christian Theology - Bradley Hanson
Invitation to Anthropology, 3rd Ed. - Eric Lassiter
Understanding Arabs - Margaret Nydell
Sabbath Economics - Ched Myers
Books I read a little bit of:
The Bhagavad-Gita
Buddhism: little pocket book
Thursday, January 14, 2010
information overload...hard drive will combust in 5,4,3,2,1!
wow.
i am beginning to think that i am sort of overcompensating for my feelings of boredom from last semester. !!! lets take a look at my schedule, shall we?
GenChem II:
lots of cool stuff coming up - enthalpy, entropy, Gibbs free energy, Redox reactions, self-directed labs involving plants and copper ions... my lab is at a normal time which is SWEET, and my professor is super cool too. His name is Matt Siderhurst and he is the brother of Camp Hebron's camp pastor from last year. He is interested in invasive species and has done research in Hawaii on invasive ants. And he is the one with the dreds.
Elementary Arabic:
so fun! and so hard! my professor, Louis Yako, is really great. He is Iraqi and speaks Aramaic, Turkmen, Kurdish, Arabic, and English. He is in love with language, having majored in English Lit and Linguistics in college. He went to college in Europe and got his masters in the US at Lehigh (I think) on a Fulbright Scholarship. Arabic is fun to write but it is hard to speak. I have a DVD that came with my textbook and right now I am trying to learn the short vowels - and it is quite difficult.
Statistics for the Natural Sciences:
I will be SO grateful when we get to actually do some interesting math. right now i am just learning the "language" of statistics. for example, did you know that there is a difference between an "upper class limit" and an "upper class boundary?" No? yeah, neither did I.
Speech: I am sensing impending doom, gloom, terror, and overall unhappiness ahead. My feeling about this class can be summed up in the following story: I got lost, ended up in the wrong class, and walked into the right class 10 minutes late. and I don't have any friends in it. :(
Cultural Anthropology: makes me happier. today we were supposed to define "Menno culture" in class. that provided some laughs. i don't think i can really define yet what this class will be like. i'll talk more about it later.
Intro to Theology: SO GOOD. The professor, Ted Grimsrud, opens class with prayer. It just makes me so happy. It is A LOT OF READING. I can't even explain...every class we are supposed to turn in a reading response for what we read. Packets, articles, 5 or 6 textbooks... AHHHHHH. I think my head might explode. But it is still good.
and, as if this all wasn't enough, I emailed Professor Christian Early to ask if I could sit in on his class Politics: Conceptions of the Common Good. He is the professor who is teaching Ways of Knowing, which I was going to take before the Administration moved Arabic to 4th period...long story. Meg is taking Conceptions of Common Good and told me it is amazing, so I decided to see if I could just sit in on the class for no credit, just to learn. and he said yes, so tomorrow I will be in my first real Philosophy class!!! Philosophy without being graded. Epic.
I literally am not going to have time to eat lunch on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I guess I can eat after Stats finishes at 2:30 and before my work study at 3. Crazy, right? But I feel this hunger for thinking and knowledge and theology and new words and that hunger runs deeper than hunger for lunch. so its all good.
i'm going to be a bit of a crazy woman this semester. probably won't be blogging as much. or sleeping as much, come to think of it. :)
...so, as alif baa (my arabic workbook) says, Yalla bina! Let's go!
i am beginning to think that i am sort of overcompensating for my feelings of boredom from last semester. !!! lets take a look at my schedule, shall we?
GenChem II:
lots of cool stuff coming up - enthalpy, entropy, Gibbs free energy, Redox reactions, self-directed labs involving plants and copper ions... my lab is at a normal time which is SWEET, and my professor is super cool too. His name is Matt Siderhurst and he is the brother of Camp Hebron's camp pastor from last year. He is interested in invasive species and has done research in Hawaii on invasive ants. And he is the one with the dreds.
Elementary Arabic:
so fun! and so hard! my professor, Louis Yako, is really great. He is Iraqi and speaks Aramaic, Turkmen, Kurdish, Arabic, and English. He is in love with language, having majored in English Lit and Linguistics in college. He went to college in Europe and got his masters in the US at Lehigh (I think) on a Fulbright Scholarship. Arabic is fun to write but it is hard to speak. I have a DVD that came with my textbook and right now I am trying to learn the short vowels - and it is quite difficult.
Statistics for the Natural Sciences:
I will be SO grateful when we get to actually do some interesting math. right now i am just learning the "language" of statistics. for example, did you know that there is a difference between an "upper class limit" and an "upper class boundary?" No? yeah, neither did I.
Speech: I am sensing impending doom, gloom, terror, and overall unhappiness ahead. My feeling about this class can be summed up in the following story: I got lost, ended up in the wrong class, and walked into the right class 10 minutes late. and I don't have any friends in it. :(
Cultural Anthropology: makes me happier. today we were supposed to define "Menno culture" in class. that provided some laughs. i don't think i can really define yet what this class will be like. i'll talk more about it later.
Intro to Theology: SO GOOD. The professor, Ted Grimsrud, opens class with prayer. It just makes me so happy. It is A LOT OF READING. I can't even explain...every class we are supposed to turn in a reading response for what we read. Packets, articles, 5 or 6 textbooks... AHHHHHH. I think my head might explode. But it is still good.
and, as if this all wasn't enough, I emailed Professor Christian Early to ask if I could sit in on his class Politics: Conceptions of the Common Good. He is the professor who is teaching Ways of Knowing, which I was going to take before the Administration moved Arabic to 4th period...long story. Meg is taking Conceptions of Common Good and told me it is amazing, so I decided to see if I could just sit in on the class for no credit, just to learn. and he said yes, so tomorrow I will be in my first real Philosophy class!!! Philosophy without being graded. Epic.
I literally am not going to have time to eat lunch on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I guess I can eat after Stats finishes at 2:30 and before my work study at 3. Crazy, right? But I feel this hunger for thinking and knowledge and theology and new words and that hunger runs deeper than hunger for lunch. so its all good.
i'm going to be a bit of a crazy woman this semester. probably won't be blogging as much. or sleeping as much, come to think of it. :)
...so, as alif baa (my arabic workbook) says, Yalla bina! Let's go!
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