being mennonite in baltimore

over the past few months i've heard no less than three of my close friends pause in a conversation about dating and say something like:

"... but also part of me just really wants to date a mennonite."

which is a little bit funny, because none of them were exactly raised as mennonites, and all have been or are currently in romantic relationships with non-mennonites. what is it about these mennonite boys, seriously... (someone suggested, once, that they've internalized enough messages about peace that they just seem nicer than your random american man. this may be true.)

last weekend on our way back from harrisonburg, Meg & I were talking about  the demographics of EMU and the rapidly falling % of students from an Anabaptist background. i was being a little bit alarmist but when i tried to admit that, Meg shook her head. "but i am alarmed," she said. "now i'm like, 'i have to be mennonite!'"

~

it's so difficult to explain mennonite-ness to people outside of this tiny community. i was looking up the numbers recently: in the US, there are 76 million catholics and some 150 million protestants of various denominations.

number of mennonites? 110,000, give or take a few thousand.

Meg and one of the girls in the apartment downstairs were listening to a TED talk about dating not too long ago, and she was telling me that this one computer-programmer lady had analyzed online dating sites and then written an algorithm to figure out how many compatible people she would be able to find in her city. it was some ridiculously low number, like five people in half a million, or something like that.

sometimes, living outside of the mennonite enclaves, i feel like there is no chance i will ever meet someone i'm compatible with.

~

there are things that matter more to me than 'being mennonite,' but...

but: i would really love to be in a relationship where i don't have to explain rook, or dutch blitz, or the few vestiges of pennsylvania dutch that have made it into my vocabulary. where i don't have to explain the last names; the abundance of 'yoders,' 'swartzendrubers,' 'herrs,' 'hostetlers,' 'kreiders.' where i can use the acronyms -- MCC, EMM, MDS, EMU -- without spelling them out. where i can speak in shorthand that's easily understood, the quick reference to the conferences that people grew up in as explanation for their understanding of scripture or their political leanings, for example, or the meaning behind names like Dirk Willems. or John Ruth, even, the way i've seen his book in more houses than anyone could reasonably expect. Rudy Weibe. Julia Spicher Kasdorf. all the cultural connotations buzzing around each of these names.

it's more than just a specific way of being christian, is the thing (although i will be very surprised if i end up marrying a man who doesn't consider himself a pacifist). it's a small, specific culture that i belong to, and that i want to give to the generation that follows me: knowing the harmonies to the hymnals, the mennonite game, houses with a copy of the martyr's mirror stashed away somewhere, pork and sauerkraut on new year's day,

potlucks that vary in what food is present but not in how it feels to sit around the tables with a group of people who know you and your parents and  your grandparents and quite possibly your second or third or fourth cousins. all the mennonite jokes. the cookbooks. dutch blitz tournaments with the youth group kids. church retreats where you might play a dozen games of rook in a row.

~

"so have you found a young man yet?" my grandpa asked me over christmas break.

"no," i laughed. "no, i don't have time for that." and that's true, for sure -- i don't have time to do all the things that i want to do on my own at the moment; it's impossible to imagine placing more demands on my time right now. 

but also ... part of me just really wants to date a mennonite. so it might have to wait until i move, either back to the 'burg or to lancaster; back to my mennonite enclave. ;)

sunday evening contentedness

is there anything better than a thoroughly cleaned room?

evening light through many windows?

in-tune guitars?

...yeah, I'd say it's a pretty good life.

some of my favorite signs

what's that, you ask? you have favorite signs? who does that?

someone working in a science lab, that's who.

and some other random work pictures...

a christmas adventure

i'm making good progress on my list of things-to-do. by which i mean, i am getting so good at dc public transit!

the dwight d. eisenhower executive office building. quite impressive.

the national christmas treeeeee!

and some random model trains.

sometimes I think about what my conversations would sound like from the outside

and I just have to laugh.

a conversation about toxins

Lab member #1: You couldn't get rich selling toxins.

Lab member #2: But they're so expensive!

Lab member #3: It's too small of a market.

Lab member #1: Yeah, too small of a market.

Me: If anyone was listening in on this conversation, they'd probably think we're a bunch of incompetent assassins.

a conversation about American English:

Lab member #1: The thing I don't understand is plurals.

Lab member #2: You don't have them in Chinese, right?

Lab member #1: Yeah. English is weird. Like, if you have half of a hotdog, you say, "0.5 hotdogs." But it's less than one!

Lab member #3: ...huh, I guess that's right. So in Chinese you'd say -

Lab member #1: Two hotdog, three hotdog, 0.5 hotdog!

a conversation about American TV shows:

Lab member #1: Cat and Mouse! Cat and Mouse!

Lab member #4: [blank look]

Lab member #1: Ah, the TV show, with the cat and mouse. What's his name. Tom and - Jerry?

Lab member #2: Yeah, yeah.

Lab member #3: Are the Simpsons big in China?
Lab member #1: ...yeah, yeah I think. But not as much as Cat and Mouse. Ah, Tom and Jerry. But in China we say Cat and Mouse.

a conversation about Americans and their drugs

Lab member #1: Do most Americans smoke marijuana? Did you smoke marijuana?

Me: ...No?

Lab member #1: Really? [looks shocked]

a conversation about gmail chat:

The Housemate: I can see you.

Me: No you can’t, I’m invisible.  

The Housemate: Wait. I thought you could still see invisible people.

 Me: ...I'm very curious about how you did that. [sent a message to me while I was invisible]

The Housemate: I just know because I talk to J when we’re both invisible.

a generic, daily conversation:

Me: whoa, this news article says that a US district judge just wrote that the NSA’s surveillance program is likely unconstitutional.

The Housemate: I’m going to go stretch out my shrunken sweater in cold water. 

Me: ... okay?

The Housemate: What practical knowledge have you gleaned?

Me:... None.

another generic conversation:

The Housemate: Why are you writing that down? That isn’t funny, it’s practical.

Me: It's still funny.

The Housemate: Well. I decided that this year is my year of gaining practical skills, so if this works, I'll have gained the practical skill of stretching out a shrunken sweater.

Me: I thought you were going to say, 'Gain the practical skill of starring on someone else's blog.'

snow and ice and fog, oh my!

i'm not exactly sure why,

but this story keeps going through my head and making me grin, so I thought I'd share it.

When I was in Hburg for the pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving, we played a game of fishbowl. In the 'taboo' round, where you have to get people to guess the word by describing it, whoever's turn it was said, "That thing Emily is afraid of."

And instantaneously, there were three things shouted out:

"Crumbs!"

"Spiders!"

"Car crashes!"

My friends know me so well. :)



In other news, I am:

learning fingerpicking
teaching myself the tab for 'Frail' by jars of clay
reading a lot of poetry
making tiny bits of progress at work
(interspersed with repair work at work - I'm getting quite handy with a screwdriver)

it never ceases to amaze me

how much better I feel about life after I clean up my living space.

dishes. two loads of laundry. cleaned the bathroom. swept the floor. (the amount of hair that I shed each week never ceases to repulse me). clean sheets, folded the laundry. made real food for supper.

now it's writing time, I think! hooray. 

and maybe time to listen to the third period of the Blackhawks game online. which, here's my thought process for which NHL team I should be a fan of: I'm from southeastern pennsylvania, but let's be real, no one likes philly. my dad is on record as saying, "can't we just give Philly to New Jersey?" (which did make me think of Infinite Jest, yes, and the near-future dystopian US government forcibly handing over part of New England to Canada. but I digress). aaanyway. Philly teams generally are terrible and/or heart-breaky [although I admit, I've been stockholmed into caring about the Eagles - it's nearly impossible to escape WSMC unscathed in that regard, haha] and the Flyers seem to be no exception. I started watching hockey games during the playoffs last year when the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup, and they have this guy, not to mention the best PR people ever. (Yes, I clearly have too much time on my hands right now). So I think I'm just going to call myself a Blackhawks fan, and continue to amuse and befuddle my friends who still can't figure out why I care about hockey at all.

***

Some pictures from my walk in the McCrillis gardens today:

i need a more catchy phrase for 'petty grievances'

since graduation in April, classmates of mine have dealt with:

moving to a different continent and eating cow lung (as a vegetarian)

beginning work as a first-year teacher and having their house egged by a student

beginning work as a first-year teacher and having (high school) students who can barely read

not being able to find work

having manipulative bosses

long-distance relationships

my complaint today sounds really dumb in comparison, but here goes:

I'm kinda sad about how I can't complain about work to anyone but The Housemate. Not because I don't have great family & friends who listen to me talk about anything (even when I'm whining), but because no one will understand what I'm saying. 

Fluid dynamics is screwing up my life, you guys. AHHHH. I just about had a meltdown today at 4:00 pm when I realized the stupid suction tube on my setup was positioned wrong and was destroying my gigaohm seals. I was like, "Argh! That explains everything about this day and why nothing is working!!!" 

The Housemate happened to walk into my little closet right then and she looked at the computer screen and said, "Um, what's going on there?!" 

And I said, "I just figured out something terrible. The suction tube is sucking my cells off the pipette!"

And she said, "You didn't notice?"

On the one hand: yay, you know why I'm upset! On the other: Nope. That's why I feel dumb.

Then I realized that even if I wanted to, I couldn't call anyone and complain to them because the whole exchange would be utterly incomprehensible. 

Basically, my life is ruled by the flow of saltwater, which is surprisingly tricky to control. Between the RSC and the suction tube...woe is me. :/


On the bright side, a little retail therapy:

Buying boots felt a little like an entrance into adulthood. (Read: a paying job. Hah.)

bus stop with a view

some pictures of my life

butternut squash for a pre-thanksgiving thanksgiving party

 mmmm

but a surprising amount of work (ow, my sore hands)

recent-ish pictures of the trees near my apartment (they are a bit more fall-colored now)

I need to figure out what this kind is, it's my favorite. well, favorite after silver maples and willows and american sycamores and whatever the tree is on discipleship hill that I used to write in. and maybe dogwoods in spring.

the Halloween event in D.C. that The Housemate and I went to on Tuesday. (we observed the festivities from on top of a dumpster).

well, here i am...

i've arrived in bethesda, i've (basically) unpacked my stuff, i've explored a few major roads with my parents (found the target and giant before they left, yay). my dad helpfully asked siri, 'where's the nearest mennonite church?' (the answer: 7 miles away).

i'm worried about tomorrow. i don't know where, exactly, i'm going (building 35? i think?); i don't know where i'm supposed to park my car, what the security will be like, if my coworkers will like me, if i'll understand anything that i'm supposed to be doing, where i'll eat lunch, if my parotid gland will have swelled any more ...

which, newsflash, happens sometimes, to very unlucky people. i was diagnosed today with parotitis, to which i say: seriously? meaning why do terrible things always happen to me when i travel? 


but the point of this, actually, wasn't to highlight all the things i'm worried about. it was to say that my litany of 'things that may go wrong' started to remind me of that passage in matthew: ...what you will drink, or what you will wear... 


who of you by worrying can add even a single hour to your life? 

so i'm heading to sleep, now, and i'm hopeful that by this time tomorrow i'll be feeling excitement, not dread.

my housemates keep telling me...

...that I haven't updated my blog recently. So I'm trying to remedy that.

The problem is that everything in my life seems simultaneously too large and too small to write about. What am I doing but homework, sitting through lectures, finishing my fourth year of lab work, long Tuesday and Thursday mornings? And housework, doing dishes, sweeping the floor, making sure rent is mailed on time, visiting the Comcast office in Harrisonburg when we're charged too much for our internet?

In short, small things; the things that make up an ordinary life; the things that aren't so interesting to write about.

And yet, at the same time, I move through this semester and come to those moments of finality: the last hymn sing. the last Easter chapel. the last birthday in Harrisonburg. I am coming up on the last morning at Early Church, and I am mourning this loss already.

These are things that loom large in my life, and that I don't know how to start to explain.

Last night was the last hymn sing, full of Easter songs and finishing out with call-out requests. As we stood in a circle in Martin Chapel, I thought - I will miss this - I was standing between two friends with strong voices, soprano and alto, and I thought about how I learned to sing my part in four years of circles like that one. I learned a bit about what it means to belong, and about how to articulate my theology, and about loving place and people.

We sang the two best Easter hymns, Low in the Grave He Lay and Lift Your Glad Voices, and they were beautiful. At the beginning of Lift Your Glad Voices everyone sings the same four notes and then splits into four parts, and when we reached that moment in each verse it felt like the room was alive.

The best thing, though, was maybe when we sang the song about Christ making all things new; the lyrics are lovely words to meditate on in light of graduation:

(Chorus) Christ is alive, and goes before us
to show and share what love can do.
This is a day of new beginnings;
our God is making all things new.

This is a day of new beginnings,
time to remember and move on,
time to believe what love is bringing,
laying to rest the pain that's gone.

For by the life and death of Jesus,
love's mighty Spirit, now as then,
can make for us a world of difference,
as faith and hope are born again.

Then let us, with the Spirit's daring,
step from the past and leave behind
our disappointment, guilt, and grieving,
seeking new paths, and sure to find.

birthday

i'm 22 today. (strange. when did that happen?) some things i've done in the last year:

moved into a rental house
learned about paying bills
worked with adults with developmental disabilities
kept going to early church
taught some super cool kids to play Settlers of Catan
read a bunch of theology texts
learned more math
visited friends at camp hebron
heard Julia Kasdorf speak, twice
went to a Josh Garrels concert in D.C.
wrote a bunch of poetry
started writing fiction
learned how to ice skate
cooked red lentil coconut curry
learned how to bake really awesome sourdough bread
celebrated a 5th birthday in a trailer
kept in touch with friends in china, guatemala, lancaster, and oregon
wrote some letters
made a bunch of mistakes
laughed at myself
failed to laugh at myself
watched many sunrises over massanutten
biked through many cold mornings to school
biked through rain
biked through snow
bought some cacti


today i walked through the world wearing my black boots, my owl shirt, with twin french braids. i felt strong & beautiful & happy to be alive. i went to the little grill for breakfast with thia, and had chocolate pancakes and orange juice, and i was telling stories about my life, and the world felt almost unbearably lovely.

it is, isn't it? we live in a world where there are 22nd birthdays that have chocolate pancakes and friends to eat with. where there are days and days of sunrises, made more beautiful by the days of snow and rain.

yes. it's a lovely world. & i'm happy to be here.

Pre-semester musings

I'm about to start my last semester at EMU and I feel like I should have some kind of profound statement to put on my blog, but I don't. My thoughts tonight have been taken up with answering emails, making my bed, unpacking the bits of my life that I haul each break between Harrisonburg and Lancaster, and now contemplating the terrible sleeping habits I practice.

Such a strange thing, life. Important events happening right alongside the banal. Maybe it is a certain kind of mercy: no matter how I feel, whether I am excited or terrified or burned-out, life just keeps happening. Each day will happen, whether I am ready for it or not. 

time keeps getting away from me

i don't understand how it's been a month since i've blogged; anyway, today was a chance to slow down and breath again. it was good to be still; it is raining now and i am listening to the sound through the windows. 

Break is officially over

i'm back to working on biochemistry things. yay.

actually, i am typing this in the analytical chem lab because i really don't want to start making my ascorbate peroxidase reaction buffer. >:|

yesterday when i got back to EMU i had ramen noodles and a poptart for supper...living in an apartment makes me appreciate home more.

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

this weekend has been so nice. it started snowing last night and my apartment was bright and warm, full of laughter good food and heated discussion (we had friends over for dinner). then this morning i slept until around 10:00 and then refused to get out of bed. and then erika and i invited joel over for pancakes - we needed his contribution of milk, so it was only fair...- and i just went to see The Importance of Being Ernest and tomorrow is church and homework and probably more stress than today but anyway this is a good weekend.

also i have pictures:

                                                                            Snow!

                                                                          my living room

                                                                                my kitchen

the view from the front door

school is like a school of piranha's...

...it EATS YOU ALIVE!

I absolutely adore just about every class I have this fall (Biochem is a little strange right now in that it is mostly still vague, confusing and stressful. but it will clear up soon, i hope). But I am so busy! I feel like I literally have no time to rest. And I've already missed an assignment this semester (ok, that admittedly was due to miscommunication and my professor gave me a chance to turn it in late) and I've already cried in a professor's office (she was really nice about it) and I'm starting to wonder oh, dear, what have I gotten myself into?

But I have some really good friends here that are helping me through it, and I look forward to my days. So that's good.

If my blog posts are few and far between, though, that's why.